Friday, September 14, 2012

The Urkobold's Ten-Point Plan for Achieving Peace in Our Time in the Middle East

With all of the chaos in the Middle East getting, well, more chaosier, we here at Urkobold would like to propose a new plan for ensuring long-term peace in the Middle East.  The plan?  Give it all back to Turkey.

The following are ten points the U.S. should formally convey to the Turks before ceding hegemony over the Middle East to them:
  1. Turkey must liberalize its political and economic systems and join the European Union.
  2. We'll give them a free hand in the Middle East, for the most part, but they have to behave like a liberal "European" nation--no ethnic cleansing, no indiscriminate slaughter.
  3. Steer clear of Israel--they've got nukes.
  4. Drill, baby, drill.
  5. It's not Istanbul, it's Constantinople.
  6. Straighten out all the crazies somehow without slaughtering everyone.  We recommend a path to liberalization of the region, but Ottoman knows best!
  7. We'll look the other way if you decide that oil and drugs are the best basis for fixing the economies over there.
  8. No jihads!
  9. Be nice to the non-Muslims, so we don't have any political rumblings to intervene yet again.  'Cause we friggin' don't want to.
  10. If you don't do all of this, we'll let the Greeks have it all.


Warty said...

I thought the Urkobold was in the business of imposing peace, not achieving it.

Hugh Akston said...

I dunno. The US plan to just keep bombing until theirs nobody left to hate seems a lot simpler.

Pro Libertate said...

Warty, it's all about proxies.

Jon Saul said...

It is a special occasion when a woman appears with beauty that shines without any enhancements. Zaika is one blessed in that way.

Everything about her is natural. She glows without the aid of make-up and rarely uses it. The same goes for styling. There’s just no need for elaborate tricks. She is equally relaxed about what she wears. In fact wearing nothing at all is fine with her. It’s more exciting for her and there are big fringe benefits for the rest of us.

Zaika has an easy going attitude to life that matches all this. Her nature is genuinely delightful. She is a rare example of what you see being what you get. Her charm is so much more than skin-deep. All this comes with sharp intelligence too. She is majoring in Japanese in her university studies.

Zaika has it all. Style, elegance and smartness are all wrapped up together.

Pro Libertate said...

Is she Turkish then?

the innominate one said...

Wrong question, PL. The correct questions are, is she a goer? Does she like photography? (The answer to the latter seems to be yes.)

Pro Libertate said...

Say no more!