|Now you learn the true price of failing to signal a turn!|
THE URKOBOLD WAS SAD TO LEARN OF THE DEATH OF STEPHEN COVEY TODAY. SAD BECAUSE THE ADMITTEDLY WELL-ORGANIZED FOOL DIED BEFORE THE URKOBOLD COULD WIN HIS RIGHTEOUS LAWSUIT AGAINST HIM.
WHY DID THE URKOBOLD RELEASE HORDES OF RAMPAGING ATTORNEYS TO DESTROY THIS SEEMINGLY INNOCUOUS PROCESS-IMPROVEMENT CHAMPION? BECAUSE HE RIPPED OFF THE URKOBOLD'S 7 Habits of Highly Vindictive People WHEN HE PUBLISHED "HIS" 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. PARODY? HA! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY HE MADE? MONEY MORE PROPERLY DESTINED TO FEED THE URKOBOLD'S RAVENOUS LUSTS?
WHAT ARE THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY VINDICTIVE PEOPLE, YOU ASK? BE SILENT AND GO BUY THE BOOK, BUT THE URKOBOLD WILL GENEROUSLY PROVIDE A FREE SAMPLE OF HIS WISDOM:
The First Three Habits surround moving from ignorance to arrogance (i.e., self bastardy):
Habit 1: Be Reactive
Avoid initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with your goal of destroying those who oppose you) are the primary determining factor for vindictiveness in your life. Avoid responsibility for your choices and the consequences that follow.
Habit 2: Begin with Revenge in Mind
Discover and clarify your deeply important need to avenge even the smallest slight. Envision the ideal punishment for each of those who have offended you.
Habit 3: Put First Things First
Prioritize, plan, and execute your week's tasks based on anger rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired course of revenge, propel your enemies toward a living hell on earth, and enrich the revenge mindset elaborated on in Habit 2.
The next three have to do with Interdeception (i.e., manipulating others):
Habit 4: Think Fuck You, I Win
Genuinely strive for solutions in your relationships that benefit you and harm others. Value and respect yourself by understanding a "win" for you is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if everyone in the situation had gotten his way.
Habit 5: Seek First to Misunderstand, Then to be Misunderstood
Use feigned naïveté when listening to genuinely avoid being influenced by a person, which compels them to waste their time trying to explain things to you, yet force that person to take an open mind to being influenced by you without him understanding your true meaning. This creates an atmosphere of confusion, anger, and positive nemesis-creating.
Habit 6: Synergize
Combine the strengths of your minions through positive threats, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done without fear for his well-being. Get the best performance out of a group of people through encouraging spiteful competition, making it clear that only the winner will be spared maximum suffering.
The last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw
Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective life of pursuing revenge. Primarily emphasize sexual excess for physical renewal, trolling blogs and performing petty acts of vengeance against total strangers for mental renewal. Service yourself for spiritual renewal.