Friday, May 11, 2012

The Confabulation* Proclamation


The Confabulation Proclamation
May 8, 2012

By the President of the United States of America:

A Proclamation.

Whereas, on the eighth day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twelve, a proclamation was issued by the President of the United States, containing, among other things, the following, to wit:

That on the eighth day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, all gays held as slaves, except within any State, shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the Executive Government of the United States, including the military and naval authority thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of such gays, and will do no act or acts to repress such gays, or any of them, in any efforts they may make for their actual freedom, except to the extent that such gays are within any State or under Federal jurisdiction.

That the Executive will, on the ninth day of May aforesaid, by proclamation, designate gays to be free, provided that no State says otherwise and it being further understood that no Federal laws or Regulations will be enacted or interpreted to free gays outside of the States.

And by virtue of the power, and for the purpose aforesaid, I do order and declare that all gays held as slaves within said States henceforward shall be free; and that the Executive government of the United States, including the military and naval authorities thereof, will recognize and maintain the freedom of said persons, except in said States or anywhere else.

And I hereby enjoin upon the people so declared to be free to abstain from all violence, unless in necessary self-defense; and I recommend to them that, in all cases when allowed, they labor faithfully to vote for me at least once.

And I further declare and make known, that such money of gays of suitable financial condition will be received into the coffers of my campaign treasury to protect the world from Republicans, libertarians, and other so-called conservatives, and to fund media of all sorts in said service.

And upon this act, sincerely believed to be an act of justice, warranted by the Constitution, and upon political necessity, I invoke the considerate judgment of mankind, and the gracious favor of Almighty God.

In witness whereof, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the City of Washington, this eighth day of May, in the year of our Lord two thousand twelve, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred twenty-fifth.

By the President: BARACK OBAMA
HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON, Secretary of State.


* Ed.: Used in its clinical sense, to wit: "[Psychiatry] the replacement of a gap in a person's memory by a falsification that he or she believes to be true."

6 comments:

BakedPenguin said...

Excellent. Such a brave utterance...

Warty said...

Confabulous.

Pro Libertate said...

This is why libertarians can't win. This bullshit gets lauded to the skies, while we quietly note that we would have let people do what the fuck they wanted decades ago.

Pham Nuwen said...

I'm still mulling over that pic. It does not please me.

Pro Libertate said...

It's Lincolnesque. I believe Obama is planning to breed an Obama-Lincoln clone to run for office in about thirty-five years.

Hugh Akston said...

Oblinkin '48!