Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Science Makes Adam Savage into Penn Jillette
I could swear I saw this, but if so, I somehow missed an insanely obvious transformation:
Via Holy Taco. The lawyers say steer clear of sulfur hexafluoride.
Via Holy Taco. The lawyers say steer clear of sulfur hexafluoride.
Don't Make Me Changey and Hopey. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Changey and Hopey.
This is a t-shirt you can get at Last Exit to Nowhere, which sells movie-themed shirts. I thought this one was great.
Monday, December 5, 2011
O Tebowbaum, O Tebowbaum
From Urkobold Industries, Inc. comes the latest in holiday products: The Tebowbaum™. Merging the wonderful holiday of Christmas with the living miracle that is Tim Tebow, we replace the environmentally incorrect Christmas tree (a remnant of pernicious Nazi influence!*) with a cardboard cutout of His Tebowness made out of 100% recycled materials and painted with the tears of his detractors:
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| Image provided by BakedPenguin and his vast staff at the Art Department |
Already outselling the "traditional" Christmas tree this year, the Tebowbaum™ is a natural--full of great American virtues like hard work, faith, and football--and fun to decorate, too! Available in a variety of styles, including Tebowing Tebow, Gator Tebow, Team-Neutral Tebow, as well as Virgin Miracle Tebow.
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| He's still a virgin? It's a miracle! |
Get one today!
*
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| Pictured: Adolf Hitler endorsing the first Christmas tree, based on Nazi paganism and racial theory--not Christian! Nazi! |
The Urkobold Speaks: Reader Mail
TODAY, THE URKOBOLD RESPONDS TO A READER FROM ATHENS, GEORGIA WHO PRESENTS A PROBLEM COMMON TO ALL MALES.
Dear Urkobold:
I'm a 23 year-old student at UGA, majoring in Journalism. Last week, at a study group, this girl with absolutely perfect tits was sitting across from me, wearing some sort of halter top that barely concealed her wonderfulness. Great, right? The thing is, she caught me looking like three times, and she yelled at me the third time: "Fucking stop looking at my boobs, asshole!" The other guys all agreed with her and tried to butter her up by shitting on their manhood.
Anyway, how should I deal with this situation in the future? No way I'm going to stop looking, and women think you're looking at their tits if you ever glance below eye level. Is technology the answer?
Kenneth in Athens
THE URKOBOLD'S RESPONSE:
YOUR PROBLEM IS A COMMON ONE, NOT WELL UNDERSTOOD BY SCIENCE. MEN LOOK AT TITS. EVEN GAY MEN LOOK. OTHER THAN, AS YOU SAY, RESORTING TO ADVANCED VIEWING TECHNOLOGY, WHAT IS THE MALE TO DO TO AVOID SLAPS, OSTRACISM, OR EVEN IN SOME EXTREME INSTANCES, DEATH?
FORTUNATELY FOR YOU AND OTHER MEN, THE TROLLING COMPANY, FEATURING PROFESSORS FROM KLOONS UNIVERSITY, HAS RELEASED AN INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO ON HOW TO NOT ONLY OGLE MAMMARIES IN COMPLETE SAFETY BUT TO BE REWARDED FOR YOUR OGLING. HERE'S A SAMPLE:
FORTUNATELY FOR YOU AND OTHER MEN, THE TROLLING COMPANY, FEATURING PROFESSORS FROM KLOONS UNIVERSITY, HAS RELEASED AN INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO ON HOW TO NOT ONLY OGLE MAMMARIES IN COMPLETE SAFETY BUT TO BE REWARDED FOR YOUR OGLING. HERE'S A SAMPLE:
FOLLOWING THIS TIT-VIEWING PHILOSOPHY, THE URKOBOLD IS CONFIDENT THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO NOT ONLY VIEW BUT TOUCH MANY MORE TITS THAN YOU HAVE IN THE PAST.
YOURS IN THE PENUMBRA OF TROLLING EXCELLENCE THAT IS,
THE URKOBOLD
YOURS IN THE PENUMBRA OF TROLLING EXCELLENCE THAT IS,
THE URKOBOLD
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Word of the Day: Drone Process
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| Have some double jeopardy, bitches! |
drone proc·ess [drohn pros-es]
-noun
1. a course of formal bombardments (instead of judicial proceedings) carried out regularly, fairly, and in accordance with established rules and principles for operating hunter-killer drones; also called procedural drone process.
2. a requirement that drone-based assassinations must be related to a legitimate government interest (e.g., crime prevention) and may not result in the unfair or arbitrary treatment of the individual ordering the bombings or in any limitations or consequences whatsoever; also called substantive due process.
Origin:
Drone (1490–1500); see drone and compare Middle English droun to roar, Icelandic drynja to bellow, Gothic drunjus noise + process (1275–1325); Middle English proces (noun) (< Old French ) < Latin prōcessus a going forward, equivalent to prō- pro-1 + ced-, variant stem of cēdere to yield (see cede) + -tus suffix of v. action; see cession.
Sulu Friday: "Large-Breasted Monkey* Woman"†
* Monkey not pictured.
† By commenter demand and approved for posting against my strong protest. Note that neither the post title nor the motivational poster are the creation of Urkobold. In fact the whole blog and corporation are in denial.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The Urkobold Tires of Pro Miniontate's Bland, Banal Posts, Pt. II
THE URKOBOLD HAS NOTICED IN RECENT YEARS THAT AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE TROUBLE PULLING THEIR JEANS ALL OF THE WAY UP. TO RESTORE SARTORIAL BALANCE TO THIS ONCE GREAT AND BOUNCY NATION, THE TROLLING COMPANY HAS ISSUED THIS SHORT VIDEO TO PROVIDE GUIDANCE ON PROPER, FULL-BODY JEAN ACQUISITION:
Gilliam on Kubrick vs. Spielberg
From TCM via io9. Seems pretty spot-on, to me. And the criticism, such as it were, is really more about Hollywood movies in general, not just Spielberg.
Skyrim vs. Reality
Three hours and twenty-six minutes? I guess, if I was in a hurry and wasn't carrying a lot of stuff.
Via Izismile.
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