From Urkobold Industries, Inc. comes the latest in holiday products: The Tebowbaum™. Merging the wonderful holiday of Christmas with the living miracle that is Tim Tebow, we replace the environmentally incorrect Christmas tree (a remnant of pernicious Nazi influence!*) with a cardboard cutout of His Tebowness made out of 100% recycled materials and painted with the tears of his detractors:
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| Image provided by BakedPenguin and his vast staff at the Art Department |
Already outselling the "traditional" Christmas tree this year, the Tebowbaum™ is a natural--full of great American virtues like hard work, faith, and football--and fun to decorate, too! Available in a variety of styles, including Tebowing Tebow, Gator Tebow, Team-Neutral Tebow, as well as Virgin Miracle Tebow.
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| He's still a virgin? It's a miracle! |
Get one today!
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| Pictured: Adolf Hitler endorsing the first Christmas tree, based on Nazi paganism and racial theory--not Christian! Nazi! |
11 comments:
URKOBOLD™ must have given him that girl to troll everyone with. What a waste not to be sleeping with her.
Tebow's gotta be the greatest recruiter for Christianity in the last thousand years.
I'm sure his virginity is a lie, or he's not counting the mouth and/or handies and/or anus.
Hilarious how many people consider avoidance of the vagina but going (or coming) everywhere else to be following the rules of chastity.
You can blame Clinton for that gift, TIO. By executive order.
Not Tebowbaum for you, TIO--one year!
Honestly, it reminds me of the time Justin Timberlake's grandmother (IIRC) said he and Britney Spears weren't having sex, even though they were living together. Yeah, I'm sure that's what he told his grandmother, but I'm equally sure it wasn't true.
Srsly, Tebow, if you aren't going to use the pulchritude, send her to my bunk. You can still date her, I don't care, but I hate to let it go to waste.
I'm not sure he's still dating the girl pictured, but it wouldn't shock me if he had been telling the truth. He seems pretty serious about morality, etc. He's a throwback in more ways than one.
I have a reasonable guess about why she's not dating him anymore. A girl's got needs, you know.
Unworthy!
Are you suggesting her craving for man parts drove her away, TIO? Shame on you for putting a negative spin on that news.
I like to think that a hot girl's craving for man parts is positive news, my friend. Not to mention her craving for lady parts. YMMV.
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