Monday, December 5, 2011

O Tebowbaum, O Tebowbaum

From Urkobold Industries, Inc. comes the latest in holiday products: The Tebowbaum™.  Merging the wonderful holiday of Christmas with the living miracle that is Tim Tebow, we replace the environmentally incorrect Christmas tree (a remnant of pernicious Nazi influence!*) with a cardboard cutout of His Tebowness made out of 100% recycled materials and painted with the tears of his detractors:

Image provided by BakedPenguin and his vast staff at the Art Department
Already outselling the "traditional" Christmas tree this year, the Tebowbaum™ is a natural--full of great American virtues like hard work, faith, and football--and fun to decorate, too!  Available in a variety of styles, including Tebowing Tebow, Gator Tebow, Team-Neutral Tebow, as well as Virgin Miracle Tebow.

He's still a virgin?  It's a miracle!

Get one today!

*
Pictured: Adolf Hitler endorsing the first Christmas tree, based on Nazi paganism and racial theory--not Christian!  Nazi!

11 comments:

BakedPenguin said...

URKOBOLD™ must have given him that girl to troll everyone with. What a waste not to be sleeping with her.

Pro Libertate said...

Tebow's gotta be the greatest recruiter for Christianity in the last thousand years.

the innominate one said...

I'm sure his virginity is a lie, or he's not counting the mouth and/or handies and/or anus.

Hilarious how many people consider avoidance of the vagina but going (or coming) everywhere else to be following the rules of chastity.

Pham Nuwen said...

You can blame Clinton for that gift, TIO. By executive order.

Pro Libertate said...

Not Tebowbaum for you, TIO--one year!

the innominate one said...

Honestly, it reminds me of the time Justin Timberlake's grandmother (IIRC) said he and Britney Spears weren't having sex, even though they were living together. Yeah, I'm sure that's what he told his grandmother, but I'm equally sure it wasn't true.

Srsly, Tebow, if you aren't going to use the pulchritude, send her to my bunk. You can still date her, I don't care, but I hate to let it go to waste.

Pro Libertate said...

I'm not sure he's still dating the girl pictured, but it wouldn't shock me if he had been telling the truth. He seems pretty serious about morality, etc. He's a throwback in more ways than one.

the innominate one said...

I have a reasonable guess about why she's not dating him anymore. A girl's got needs, you know.

Pro Libertate said...

Unworthy!

Pham Nuwen said...

Are you suggesting her craving for man parts drove her away, TIO? Shame on you for putting a negative spin on that news.

the innominate one said...

I like to think that a hot girl's craving for man parts is positive news, my friend. Not to mention her craving for lady parts. YMMV.