TODAY THE URKOBOLD HAS LEARNED THAT SOME OBSCURE TECHNICAL COMPANY HAS, WITH IMPUNITY, INFRINGED UPON THE URKOBOLD'S RIGHTS. THE COMPANY, NAMED GOOGLE IN AN APPARENTLY ILLITERATE ATTEMPT TO TRADE OFF OF EDWARD KASNER'S NUMERICAL TERM, "GOOGOL," HAS DARED TO CREATE A NEW BEER. HERE IS THE BEER:
THE NAME OF THIS BEER? URKONTINENT. RIDICULOUS! THOUGH IT IS TRUE THAT THE POOR FOOLS BEHIND THIS ATTACK ON THE URKOBOLD'S PERSONAL DIGNITY MAY BE UR-INCONTINENT IF THEY CONTINUE THEIR FOOLISH WAYS.
WHY, YOU MAY ASK, DOES THE URKOBOLD CARE? BECAUSE THE URKOBOLD HAS SPENT MILLIONS of DEUTSCHMARKS ON REGISTERING AND PROTECTING THE TRADEMARK, URKO-_____. WHOLE LINES OF PRODUCTS DEPEND ON THIS BRANDING IDENTIFIER, INCLUDING:
WHY, YOU MAY ASK, DOES THE URKOBOLD CARE? BECAUSE THE URKOBOLD HAS SPENT MILLIONS of DEUTSCHMARKS ON REGISTERING AND PROTECTING THE TRADEMARK, URKO-_____. WHOLE LINES OF PRODUCTS DEPEND ON THIS BRANDING IDENTIFIER, INCLUDING:
- URKONDOMS - A NEW LINE OF PADDED CONDOMS (INSPIRED BY THE SIMILARLY DECEPTIVE PADDED BRA) TO SIMULATE BUT NEVER DUPLICATE THE EXPERIENCE OF HAVING THE MASSIVE SEXUAL ORGAN OF THE URKOBOLD.
- URKOKE - SIMILAR TO AN ATLANTA-BASED BEVERAGE COMPANY'S DRINK'S ORIGINAL RECIPE.
- URKOMICS - PORNOGRAPHIC COMICS FEATURING SUPERTROLLS AND THEIR TROLLISH ADVENTURES. FOR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL KIDS.
- URKODPIECE - THE URKOBOLD INTENDS TO BRING BACK CODPIECES WITH A VENGEANCE. NOT JUST THE SIMPLE KIND, BUT THE ONES THAT MAKE IT DIFFICULT TO WALK FIVE FEET BEHIND ANYONE ELSE. UNLESS YOU WANT TO MAKE A CERTAIN URKOIMPRESSION, THAT IS.
- URKOED - A SERVICE, RATHER THAN A PRODUCT, URKOED WILL BE OFFERED TO COLLEGE STUDENTS IN SEARCH OF ATTRACTIVE ROOMMATES WHO WILL HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THEM. NOT PROSTITUTION, AS THE URKOBOLD, NOT THE URKOEDS, WILL BE PAID.
- URKOFF - AN EXCITING NEW MASTURBATION TECHNIQUE TO BE PIONEERED BY THE URKOBOLD.
- URKOFFEE - MMMMMM, TROLLISH COFFEE. INSTEAD OF WAKING YOU UP, A DRINK OF URKOFFEE PISSES YOU OFF.
- URKOINS - THE URKOBOLD'S PLANNED CURRENCY IN THE EVENT THE SHIT HITS THE FAN. WHILE IT WILL BE PAPER MONEY, IT WILL BE BACKED BY THE FULL FAITH AND CREDIT OF THE URKOBOLD'S GARGANTUAN IRE.
- URKORDION - A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT INSPIRED BY THE WHO'S "SQUEEZE BOX."
- URKONOMICS - A NEW KIND OF ECONOMICS THAT INVOLVES ALL TRANSACTIONS IN THE ECONOMY FLOWING THROUGH THE URKOBOLD.
8 comments:
I could've used a cup of Urkoffee this morning.
Incidentally, On'tday entionmay atthay Ooglegay ownsway Oggerblay.
I thought UKONOMICS was the study of the newly renamed URKONOMY.
don't forget about the economic profits!
and that the WEIBSKOBOLD uses budget constraints in their little games!
And don't even ask what they think an Edgeworth Box is (or an isoquant, for that matter).
finally, you saw this coming, a "corner solution" is punishment for not coming through in the clutch.
Is it wrong that I want to try this beer? I fear for my taint that it may be . . .
PHAM NUWEN, YOU WOULD INSULT THE URKOBOLD? IS YOUR TAINT INSURANCE UP TO DATE? DIDN'T MISS A PAYMENT, DID YOU?
I was turned down for Taint Insurance. They said I had a pre-existing condition!
Congenital withered taint?
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