Correction!

Our earlier post on the knighting of Patrick Stewart included an image that had apparently been photoshopped. Here is the correct picture:

Our layout staff clearly has no honor!

Image via Izismile.com.

Earth Women: Voted the Galaxy's Best Sex Slaves for the Second Straight Year!

Alien Judge Taking an Oral Exam of a Contestant

Mr. Steven Crane Monday

Mr. Steven Crane knows that to be more interesting than he used to be, he must vigorously defend that which he knows already has won.

Celebrate the Royal Wedding

19 june 2010.

Swedish Royal wedding that is pawning off the Crown Princess to someone named "Humperdink".



(much prefer the swedes' relation to their crown as opposed to the danes')

Monday.

Kick start the week

To kick start the week.

Think of a number from 1 to 10. Divide in half and round up, if necessary. Multiply by 11.

That number will be greater than ten.

Chuck Norris Thought of the Day

When Chuck Norris bates, it makes the weather channel.

Sunday Submissions: Flying

credit. respect

New Wave Saturday

The Chameleons Up the down escalator
Echo Belly Dark Thereapy
Duran^2 Come undone
Generation X Ready Steady Go
and Your Generation
The Buzzcocks Promises
and OA

credit. purchase.

Falcon 9 Successfully Launched!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a live feed from the rocket--excuse me, spacecraft--over at SpaceX, but they look like they are totally jammed with visitors right now. I'm just thrilled about this news. Go, Falcon 9, go!

***Update***

Here are a few photos:

It's amusing and a little sad that a number of media outlets are still reporting that the launch was scrubbed. Um, no. Usually achieving friggin' orbit is a success in a rocket test.

***More Betterer Update***

Friday Fun Recipe: Tequila Shrimp

Prep Time: 10 Min Cook Time: 10 Min Ready In: 20 Min


Ingredients

* 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
* 4 cloves garlic, chopped
* 1 1/2 pounds large shrimp - peeled and deveined
* 1/2 cup tequila
* salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Saute garlic until light brown. Place shrimp in the pan, and cook for 3 minutes.
2. Pour in tequila, and season with salt, and pepper. Cook for 2 more minutes.
Amount Per Serving Calories: 205 | Total Fat: 7.9g | Cholesterol: 157mg

credit.

Sulu Friday: Oblivion (1994) Trailer

Wayne Sulu Friday

Sulu was happy that the smallest smidgen of a plan was taking shape. Yes. Use the cops' corrupt ways to our advantage.

Wayne was safe for now, leaving Sulu free to detect. The Bad Guys would know about him, but they would not be sure what his role is. They could easily find out, but finding out takes resources, and it might delay their plans. At any rate, it costs them something to find out.

Now he was on his way to give the Snitch some fake information, which, hopefully, would cause some sort of reaction. Even the "null set", where the Bad Guys don't react will tell him something.

Their extreme move, that bombing, was a mistake. They're now forced into reaction mode.

Sulu was going to meet the Snitch at "Kankles", a bar that still was on the popular side of the curve. For now.

Telling the Snitch about an injury, that Wayne was in protective custody in a hospital ward, and that they were not happy that the cops were involved should do nicely.

Now it's time to visit them in their kitchen. Let's see how they like it.

Make that Sir Captain Picard

I saw what I saw! The boy drew the sword. If a boy has been chosen, a boy shall be King!

Via BBC News.

URKOBOLD School of Umpiring: Portrait of the Umpire as a Young Man

"The URKOBOLD is pleased," began the quaking spokesperson after a particularly vicious, arbitrary taint withering. "The work that began all those years ago, nearly a quarter century, is paying off.

"The plan, hatched back in a summer day in 1983 got its beta testing in 1985. Conditions needed to be just right: it had to be against the Cardinals."

The assembled fifth column/ninth estate denizens waited and wondered. Could this be the evil plot to make evil plots less evil? Or more?

"As you can see hier, it took great work, patience, and wherewithal. And it needed conditions that were just so ..."




"We have finally optimized how we can replicate this. Note below."




"Perfection. And thank you to the newest minion of URKOBOLD."

credits

Blown Call Thursday

credit.

and that's really too bad for Detroit, Galarraga, and the ump, too.

bummer.

Vampire Thursday: Emo Vampire

Emo Vampire was getting excited for summer. Next week was the last week of school, and on Thursday, they were free.

He thought back over the recent summers, which immediately tempered his enthusiasm. Knowing that a summer job would be good, and that it would get him away from THEM, he thought it was perfect to re-invent himself.

THIS WAY, WHEN WE GET BACK TO SCHOOL, THEY WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT IS REAL

It took all of his concentration to focus on his studying. Math was today. Nothing tomorrow. Next one on Monday.

He would triumph and be allowed back in his LAIR! He thought about that, surveying the scene in his LAIR, getting it ready for the summer. He could hardly wait! It would be magnificent!



Just two more exams and the in-class paper assignments.

He couldn't wait.

credit

The Execusizer

This is a scene from Woody Allen's Bananas (a fine film that I urge you to watch, if you haven't seen it). What's surprising to me is that this product or something similar isn't on the market yet.

Health Beat: Does Certain Female Attribute Contribute to T2D Risk?

Travis and Peter at their excellent Obesity Panacea investigate whether large breasts are an indicator of hazardous fat disposition/ distribution.

I'll let you imagine, dear readers to determine exactly what is "large", as I'm sure it differs among all the reader and authors. As it does for the URKOBOLD and the WEIBSKOBOLD.

bouncy bouncy

Mittwoch Brain Teaser: Zwei

Everything Mr Red owns is red, he lives in a red bungalow and his chairs are red, his tables are red. His ceiling, walls and floor are all red. All of his clothes are red, his shoes are red, even his carpet, television and phone are red. What color are his stairs?

Mittwoch Brain Teaser Part Le One

Two gentleman from Verona are not actually from there. One is from the other place that the second was about to mention.

How tall are they?

Morning Mail

This morning, I received the following e-mail:

Compliments of the season

Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel. I got your contact from the professional Email data base found in the international email address book search. When I was searching for a foreign reliable partner I assured of your capability and reliability to champion this business opportunity.

After series of prayers/fasting. I was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the international email data base search. I believe that God has a way of helping who is in need. . . .

[Followed by the usual request that I give him access to my bank account.]

Normally, these get deleted without perusal. In this case, however, I accidentally opened the e-mail and read enough of it to want to read the whole thing. Let's review the highlights:

• "Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise. . . ." Why is he indignant if I'm surprised by the e-mail? I don't know this person, and it's not like I'm offered a share in $18.5 million every day. Well, actually, maybe I am, come to think of it.
• ". . .and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel." Offend my personality? Not fully comprehending that statement, I looked up "personality." It means "the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others." Huh? But then I looked up "offend": "(in Biblical use) to cause to fall into sinful ways." Thus armed, I reviewed the sentence again and realized that he was saying that he hoped I wouldn't become a sinner due to his sending me an unsolicited e-mail.
• "I got your contact from the professional Email data base found in the international email address book search." There's a central, international repository of professionals' e-mail addresses? Ye gods.
• "After series of prayers/fasting. I was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the international email data base search. I believe that God has a way of helping who is in need. . . ." Here's what I don't understand. If God told him to e-mail me and others, why didn't He (1) provide the sender my e-mail address directly and (2) tell the sender to just send it to the one person who would help? Who, by the way, isn't me. I reached that decision after a series of prayers/fasting.

On a Boring Wednesday

One shot of vodka contains the same liquid volume as a shot of whiskey.

It's a Threefer!

RIP, Dennis Hopper.

He performs "Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head" with Gorillaz.

I. . .Must. . .Obey. . .Christopher Walken

Animated gif acquired via Holy Taco.

Less Grossman on Music TV Awards

MTV Shows

credit. fear

R.I.P. Dennis Hopper

Monkey Tuesday: New from Urkobold, It's. . .Spa Singe

Do your monkeys always look tired and bitter after a long day of forced labor? Do they serve brunch with a frown and a bad attitude? Do you suspect that they are intentionally ironing out your pleats? Do monkey feces show up in the oddest places? Well, fret no more--Spa Singe is here to relieve your monkey--and more importantly, you--of the pent-up stress that only monkeys can, um, pent up.

Our seasoned professionals offer a variety of stress-relieving activities, from skilled massage therapy to mud baths, all topped off with the traditional Fin Heureuse. For those monkey masters with the means, we also offer tennis and golf, with former USTA and PGA professionals guiding your monkey each step of the way, along with breakfast in bed and nightcaps with our highly trained Nightcapperettes.

Make your reservations today! We guarantee that a monthly dose of Spa Singe will make your monkey cheerful, obedient, and much more efficient.

For monkey masters on a budget, Spa Singe offers a large library of books, instructional videos, and audiobooks to help you deal with monkey stress in the comfort of your own home. Here's a sample (from our friends at Terra Rosa, the massage DVD resource):

[Learn] the secrets of Gorilla Massage.

This comprehensive video covers all you need to know about Gorilla Massage: anatomy, client intake, table setup, draping, strokes, contraindication, and closing.

Make your reservations today, and your monkey will be entered--at no additional cost--in our annual Monkey Marathon!

Pictured: The 2009 Monkey Marathon

Monkey Tuesday: Wherein We Believe Mr. Crane Is Sighted

In a move that took nobody by surprise, but yet, nonetheless came across as completely unexpected and caught everybody off guard, the evil fiziks types released a picture of Mr. Steven Crane, whom you know was kidnapped by evil fiziks types something like 69 days ago.

They show him doing some sort of exercise. If this is some sort of brainwashing attempt, we are unsure. We simply don't know.

But: we do know that this shows that there still is hope to rescue Mr. Steven Crane.



(photo credit. and think how many bonthans... ah never mind)

Monkey Tuesday: A Cautionary Tale

We've all heard the mantra of the "Greening of America" 60s types that if you teach someone to fish, they can, like maybe get skewered by a fish hook or something.

Well, these same morons decided to teach monkeys how to fish.

This cannot end well.

First we're hier:



and pretty soon, we're hier:



don't fuck with the monkey. ever.

Yes You Most Certainly Can Do That

ah. yes. back in the day. credit.

(this citizen never watched this show, but always wanted to know how something could be on TV consisting of stuff you can't do on television. And where's the pr0n?)

Monkey Tuesday

credit. purchase, etc.