Sunday, March 7, 2010

Disturbing News

As day 69 since the evil fiziks types kidnapped and abducted one Mr. Steven Crane, some disturbing new evidence has surfaced, pointing to an even deadlier alliance.

Muscle clowns. That's right. The evil fiziks types have formed an axis with muscle clowns.

And as you can see, they mean business:



(photo credit)

Furthermore, we have reason to believe that the tome said evil klown is ripping, is a microeconomics text, thereby furthering the divide between evil fiziks types and kind, noble microeconomists.

What the implications for freeing Mr. Steven Crane might be, remain unknown.

Stay tuned gentle reader. Stay tuned.

Sunday Poll: Yea or Nay, and Why

Votes will be tallied at some other time, and the winner be arbitrarily picked.

One random viewer, that is the viewer, may be selected for a special prize. Like watching the WEIBSKOBOLD bathe or something.

Whoa--Non-Science Fiction/Fantasy Use of Green Screens



Via SuperTremendous.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Friday, March 5, 2010

"Sweet Home Alabama"--Southern Finland-Fried Rock-n-Roll



Okay, I love this. Here's the description that goes with the video:
The Leningrad Cowboys is a Finnish rock and roll band famous for its humorous songs and concerts featuring the Soviet Red Army Choir.

Currently, the band has eleven Cowboys and two Leningrad Ladies. The songs, all somewhat influenced by polka and progressive rock, and performed in English, have themes such as 'vodka', 'tractors', 'rockets', and 'Genghis Khan', as well as folkloric Russian songs, rock and roll ballads and covers from bands as diverse as The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, and Lynyrd Skynyrd, all with lots of humour.

-----------------------------------

The Red Army Choir (Choir Aleksandrov) is a performing ensemble that served as the official army choir of the former Soviet Union's Red Army. The choir consists of a male choir, an orchestra, and a dance ensemble. The songs they perform range from Russian folk tunes to Church hymns, operatic arias and popular music.
In 1991, The Red Army Choir participated in Roger Waters' The Wall concert celebrating the fall of the Berlin Wall. They performed an anti-war song "Bring the Boys Back Home".

Since the collapse of the Soviet Union, the Red Army Choir has continued performing, entertaining audiences both inside and outside Russia.
Here they are singing--yep, that's Eric Idle's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life":



And a nearly mandatory cover of "Stairway to Heaven":



There are a number of other great covers by this band on YouTube.

Television Science!*


That's almost right, though they totally ignored the "gratuitous use of nerdy, yet attractive, women" required by most science shows these days:

Nerdy, attractive, and gratuitous

Wayne Sulu Friday

The sun was slowly setting, promising nothing, and taking all the natural light with it. For all Wayne cared, that was fine. Daytime, nighttime, noontime, dinnertime, breakfast time - if he was working, the status of the day only served as a measure for Wayne's expectation for what the Bad Guys might be doing. Other than that, he was just as comfortable in the job, whether it was 3pm or am.

This time, however, there was a social element.

Wayne leaned over his bourbon and bier, really enjoying it. He had decided several years ago that if he was going to drink in a bar, he may as well get better stuff, that he'd otherwise not get. This way, it made things more interesting.

To make it more interesting, he was about to hear all about the California Off Track Betting Association, and why his client felt that there might be some degree of corruption or other residing in it. For his host, the one who suggested this bar, the one who also shared the penchant for better booze when going out, was the beat writer for the paper. He did the horses and kept all the lines for football.

It was like being a legal bookie, getting paid for it, and, on occasion, being involved in intrigue.

Wayne turned around and surveyed the scene. The bar was full, throbbing from the pulse of a Thursday night. Sulu was in St. Louis, about to head over to Memphis.

With a neat movement, Wayne finished his drink, gestured, and received another. He adjusted how he was sitting on the bar stool, and started to listen.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Great Gatsby!



* Via Neatorama.

Breaking News II

We're still awaiting confirmation that said event, which is rumored to have happened, actually happened in the aforementioned way that it should have happened.

If it actually did, then it's breaking news for sure.

We're just not sure if it did happen.

Six Reasons to Downsize the Federal Government

From Cato:
Six Reasons to Downsize the Federal Government

Posted by Chris Edwards

1. Additional federal spending transfers resources from the more productive private sector to the less productive public sector of the economy. The bulk of federal spending goes toward subsidies and benefit payments, which generally do not enhance economic productivity. With lower productivity, average American incomes will fall.

2. As federal spending rises, it creates pressure to raise taxes now and in the future. Higher taxes reduce incentives for productive activities such as working, saving, investing, and starting businesses. Higher taxes also increase incentives to engage in unproductive activities such as tax avoidance.

3. Much federal spending is wasteful and many federal programs are mismanaged. Cost overruns, fraud and abuse, and other bureaucratic failures are endemic in many agencies. It’s true that failures also occur in the private sector, but they are weeded out by competition, bankruptcy, and other market forces. We need to similarly weed out government failures.

4. Federal programs often benefit special interest groups while harming the broader interests of the general public. How is that possible in a democracy? The answer is that logrolling or horse-trading in Congress allows programs to be enacted even though they are only favored by minorities of legislators and voters. One solution is to impose a legal or constitutional cap on the overall federal budget to force politicians to make spending trade-offs.

5. Many federal programs cause active damage to society, in addition to the damage caused by the higher taxes needed to fund them. Programs usually distort markets and they sometimes cause social and environmental damage. Some examples are housing subsidies that helped to cause the financial crises, welfare programs that have created dependency, and farm subsidies that have harmed the environment.

6. The expansion of the federal government in recent decades runs counter to the American tradition of federalism. Federal functions should be “few and defined” in James Madison’s words, with most government activities left to the states. The explosion in federal aid to the states since the 1960s has strangled diversity and innovation in state governments because aid has been accompanied by a mass of one-size-fits-all regulations.

For more, see DownsizingGovernment.org.
I've got other reasons, but those sound pretty compelling to me, even if you don't bat libertarian.

"Stairway to Gilligan's Island"



This song highlights the difference between artists and people who own their rights. When Little Roger and the Goosebumps released this song, attorneys for someone (usually attributed to the band but more likely from the record label) sought to enjoin the playing of the song on the radio and to have every damned copy nuked from orbit. However, in 2005, Plant told NPR that this cover of "Stairway to Heaven" was his favorite.

The source for all this is Wikipedia, so don't sue us if it's all really crap.

Japanese Science: Why All the Smart Asians Go to College in the U.S.

Vampire Thursday: Emo Vampire

Emo Vampire realized that he pushed them too far. He couldn't help it. The words just slipped out. I DIDN'T MEAN IT! OKAY?

He was there in the group of everybody, including Galen and his crew, for that's what he had taken to calling them. They were all talking and joking. All a bunch of fakes. Pretending things were witty or funny. Acting their parts. What poseurs. ONLY IF THEY WOULD MAKE IT REAL, WOULD HE TAKE PART. HE KNOWS HOW TO DO THAT. ONLY IF IT'S REAL.

He was narrating his life, the story of what was happening, and it just slipped out into the world. "Shut up, Galen"

Everybody else oohed and ahhed and laughed.

Except Galen and his crew, for that is what Emo Vampire had taken to calling them.



No. They didn't like it at all.

The rest of the crowd hushed as Galen and his crew got up.

Emo held his breath.



Then, like the angel she was, SHE walked into the room, saw Galen and his crew, and giggled. They immediately started paying attention to her, only delivering a quick, harsh punch to his upper arm.

They walked off, and one of them, Emo Vampire was not quite sure of his name, glared.

WELL IT'S NOT MY FAULT. YOU'RE THE POSEURS. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN'T HANDLE THE REAL.

Emo sighed. Only six more hours of the day.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Health and Safety Tip of the Day

It might be better if the safe is not "more" or "oh, gawd, yes"

BREAKING NEWS!

We're awaiting confirmation that said event, which is rumored to have happened, actually happened in the aforementioned way that it should have happened.

If it actually did, then it's breaking news for sure.

The Urkobold Speaks: Reader Mail

TODAY, THE URKOBOLD ANSWERS A LETTER FROM GUNTHER S., A THIRTY YEAR-OLD URKOBOLD READER FROM FUCKING, AUSTRIA:
Herr Urkobold,

To be pleased am I to encounter your presents of great pencilness. Pardon please my English that I Pornographie sites learned of. I question this: You too great are to type with your own Hände. Types who for your glorification?

Auch, of what opinion Urkobold holding does of Toyota's remembrances for flawed Fahrzeuge?

Aufrichtig,

Gunther S.
GUNTHER,

YOUR ENGLISH IS QUITE EXCELLENT. THE URKOBOLD SUGGESTS THAT YOU MIGRATE TO THE UNITED STATES, OBTAIN CITIZENSHIP, AND RUN FOR CONGRESS.

AS FOR YOUR QUESTIONS, THE URKOBOLD WILL START WITH THE LAST ONE FIRST. WHILE THE URKOBOLD DOES NOT DRIVE CARS DRIVEN BY HOI POLLOI SUCH AS YOURSELF, FOR CHEAP, OFF-THE-RACK VEHICLES, THE URKOBOLD ACKNOWLEDGES THAT TOYOTAS TEND TO BE OF HIGH QUALITY.

CERTAINLY, THE GOVERNMENT'S INTEREST IN GM AND IN PROPPING UP MORIBUND U.S. AUTOWORKER UNIONS HAS NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THIS. NOTHING! PUT THAT IDEA RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HEAD! OR DECIDE FOR YOURSELF, IF YOU DO NOT CARE TO OBEY THE URKOBOLD'S HUMBLE COMMANDS AND DO NOT HAVE MUCH ATTACHMENT TO YOUR TAINT.

MOVING ON TO YOUR INITIAL QUESTION, YOU ARE CORRECT IN YOUR BELIEF THAT THE URKOBOLD DOES NOT TYPE HIS OWN COMMENTS, BLOG POSTINGS, FILM SCRIPTS, OR OFFICIAL DOCUMENTS. FOR THE URKOBOLD'S TROLLING SERVICES ON REASON MAGAZINE'S "HIT & RUN" BLOG AND FOR THIS WEB SITE, THE URKOBOLD GENERALLY RELIES ON THE ARTLESS DIGITS OF THE ONE KNOWN AS VIKING MINION. WHICH TRULY DEFINES THE TERM "DETRIMENTAL RELIANCE" THAT THE URKOBOLD'S ATTORNEYS OCCASIONALLY USE.

FOR ALL OF HIS OTHER WRITINGS, THE URKOBOLD USES A DICTATION MACHINE AND THIS INDIVIDUAL:


YOURS IN THE REFLECTED GLORY OF THE URKOBOLD,

THE URKOBOLD

On A Boring Wednesday

Well, is it?




It sure is






absolutely.

somewhat nsfw version of lobster girl.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Attenzione Prostitute!

A picture of a road sign in Treviso, Italy that is making the rounds on the Intertubials. Interesting. Wonder what it means? I'm not sure, but here are some possibilities:
  • A warning to drivers to watch out for prostitutes who are crossing the road?
  • An advertisement for sex industry services?
  • A sign specifically posted to get the attention of a local prostitute?
  • A warning to families driving on the road that they may encounter whores in the vicinity of the sign?
  • A request that sex workers traveling through Treviso should stop and ply their trade?
Alternative explanations are welcome, including the correct one.

A Little Saxon Violence

I got the picture for the "motivational" poster above after reading "17 More Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped" on Cracked.com., which also included a couple of photos of dudes riding horses through fire for the Feast of Saint Anthony the Great, the patron saint of animals. Cracked.com in turn got these pictures from a very nice pictorial article on The Boston Globe's "The Big Picture" website, entitled "Fiery European Festivals."

The Viking pictures were taken at a Scottish (Shetland Islands) celebration called Up Helly Aa:
Up Helly Aa celebrates the influence of the Scandinavian vikings in the Shetland Islands, marking the end of the yule season, and has employed this theme in the festival since 1870. The event culminates with up to 1,000 'guizers' (men in costume) throwing flaming torches into a Viking longship. The event happens all over Shetland, but it is only the Lerwick galley which is not sent seaward. Everywhere else, the flaming galley is sent into the sea, in an echo of actual Viking sea burials.
So awesome.

Monkey Tuesday: Autobiographical Slash-Interview

Today's Feature is Penned By Guest Monkey Penner, Mr. Monkey.

It is an interview with himself.

hier

(credit, etc)

Mr. Monkey as Reporter: Mr. Monkey. May I call you Bill?
Mr. Monkey as Respondent: Why would you want to do that?
MMaR: Because I think it would add that certain something!
MMaR: I still am puzzled as to why you would do that. You know my name
MMaR: Not really. You might have changed it.
MMaR: When would I have done that? That's absurd!
MMaR: Not at all. Remember that time when you were at the bar with that girl, and you said that you were a male nurse who managed specimen jar routing from 3 down to PATH on 2?
MMaR: *chuckling* oh, yeah. that was a good one.
MMaR: And what about that other episode where you had that stuff, and you twaddlenocked your way on the bus, when those two people mixed it up, and you scared them off?
MMaR: *chuckling* oh, yeah. that was a good one.
MMaR: Even then, if we could call you Bill, we could wrap you in cling wrap, take you to restaurants, and say they could put Things on our Bill!
MMaR: *chuckling* oh, yeah. that would be a good one.
MMaR: Well we're out of time today. I'd like to thank our guest for a very interesting interview!
MMaR: *chuckling* oh, yeah. that was a good one.
MMaR: Until the next time, then! Signing off!

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Phantom Menace

Well, was it?




No, but this is a Phantom Post


Shoking Development: Clue!

"We have a promising lead," began the quaking spokesperson for the beloved, revered, and dreaded URKOBOLD, the ur- and übertrolls if the internets and intertubes and Stevo's bunk. "Our minions have tirelessly searched for Mr. Steven Crane since he was abducted by evil fiziks types, 69 days ago."

The gathered media exchanged glances, obviously awaiting any substance, nay, raison-d'etre for this conference, as up to now, they could figure it out.

The spokesperson hastily brushed some crumbs from the canned fried haggis fritters away from his lapel and continued, "Boris, whose picture we're distributing, talked to one of our minions in the field. For the interests of safety and security, we'll call this person, 'large numeric-figure'. This hi-- large numeric figure got Boris to talk and explain that evil fiziks types are closely related to the klown."

By this time, the media was growing antsy. Double points for saying "media... was", using it as a singular. We have the datum to prove it.

"More details will be disclosed at an arbitrary date and time."



photo credit. (and props for his mad UFC skills)



(moar kredit)