Thursday, January 7, 2010

The Bard Abides

Initially perceived via BuzzFeed. Here's the prologue:
Prologue

[Enter CHORUS]

CHORUS
In wayfarer’s worlds out west was once a man,
A man I come not to bury, but to praise.
His name was Geoffrey Lebowski called, yet
Not called, excepting by his kin.
That which we call a knave by any other name
Might bowl just as sweet. Lebowski, then,
Did call himself ‘the Knave’, a name that I,
Your humble chorus, would not self-apply
In homelands mine; but, then, this Knave was one
From whom sense was a burden to extract,
And of the arid vale in which he dwelt,
Also dislike in sensibility;
Mayhap the very search for sense reveals
The reason that it striketh me as most
Int’resting, yea, inspiring me to odes.
(In couplets first, and then a sonnet brave
As prologue to the tale of this the Knave.
Behold him, then, a-tumbling softly down
To pledge his love immortal to the ground.)
We stray now from fair Albion and from France
And see no Queen of bawdy songs and cheers
And in an angel's city take our chance
For stupefying tales to take our ears.
To war on Arab kings acoast we go,
Needing a man of times, though hero not;
Hear me call him not hero; what’s in a hero?
Sometimes there’s a man, your prologue’s thought.
The Knave, though scarcely man of honour’d grace,
Nor hero Olympian, nor yet employ’d,
Was nonetheless for all his time and place,
The man befits the circle he’s enjoy’d.
A man of lazy ways, of epic sloth;
But, losing train of thought, I’ve spake enough!

[He exits.]
Read the whole play. They did the images above, too.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Plans for Apocalypse Now: The Musical Shelved

So I'm gearing up for a major post on an idea I had this morning--Apocalypse Now: The Musical--thinking up songs lyrics, contemplating casting (song-and-dance man Christopher Walken as Kurtz and also-song-and-dance man Val Kilmer as Colonel Kilgore (singing "Skeet Surfing" at the very least), and so on, when I make the mistake of looking to see if anyone else had done this before. Yep! The Critic did a bit on a Francis Ford Coppola musical called Apocalypse Wow!:


Ripped off in advance. Again.

Major Major

The Zombification of Japan

Okay, so is that flesh-flavored or does flesh constitute an actual ingredient? If an ingredient, is the flesh animal or human? So many questions, so many reasons not to go to Japan to find out the answers.

The Ten Most Unnecessarily Gruesome Deaths in Star Wars

From Gunaxin. Here's an excerpt:
10. The Poor Tauntaun. Nothing More Than A Furry Tent.
(The Empire Strikes Back)

In The Empire Strikes Back, the beast of burden of choice on the planet Hoth was the Tauntaun. So, it came as no surprise that Han and Luke both needed one while scouting about for any signs of the Empire. However, when the going got tough and the weather took a turn for the worse, the Tauntauns showed their true colors. First, as Luke passes by a cave of the notorious Yeti-like snow monster, The Wampa, he gets knocked from his mount when a massive paw nearly decapitates the hapless hairy kangaroo, and drags his gored carcass, oh, and the Tauntaun (rim shot) to his lair to be later consumed. Soon after, once Han has located a dazed and half-frozen Luke wandering around aimlessly, Han uses Luke’s Lightsaber (the first and only time, by the way) and guts the collapsed Tauntaun carcass like a fish and jams Luke’s useless ass inside. Now tell me: do these scenes feel just a slight bit inappropriate for their intended audience? Well, maybe not my kids, but you know what I mean.

* * *

8. Luke’s Aunt Beru and Uncle Owen: Kentucky Fried.
(Star Wars)

So, while Luke is off following around that wacky hermit, Old Ben Kenobi with droids in tow, Imperial Stormtroopers masquerading as Sand People obliterate and torch the Lars-Skywalker homestead destroying everything inside, including Luke’s unsuspecting Aunt and Uncle. When the revelation finally hits Luke like a ton of blue milk that the possibility of the Empire wanting what’s hanging around in R2’s ‘rusty innards’ surely exists, he hauls ass home to make sure his family hasn’t been engulfed in flames. Whoops! Oh, and in case the picture isn’t clear enough, the image shows the two charred corpses just hanging around right where children (ie: mine) can ask, ‘What’s that stuff, Dad?’ Nice one.
I ran across this while reading another Gunaxin article, "A Tribute to Jek Porkins of Star Wars." As someone who was ten when Star Wars came out, I know all of the minor characters, so this sort of thing amuses me. What really caught my attention was the extraordinarily long back story for a character that got maybe 90 seconds of airtime. Whoa.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Mythbusters - "Mini Myth Mayhem"

Haven't been able to catch the rebroadcast of the episode with the "Gorn Cannon" test, so here it is on YouTube:







Monkey Tuesday: Monkeys Behaving Badly

A gallery of images from our friends at Manofest. Here's one that wasn't included but should have been:

Monkey Tuesday: Get That Crap Off of My Blueberries!

Dienstag Brain Teaser

Each word below is made of the first two letters of one country and the first two letters of another country that it borders. For example, PAIN is a combination of Pakistan and India.

1) ARCH
2) LUGE
3) SUET
4) COVE
5) SOLE
6) GEAR


good luck.

Japanese Monkey Tuesday: I Don't Know What to Put in This Title

Monday, January 4, 2010

Friday, January 1, 2010

Gute Vorsätze

What are some of your New Year's Resolutions?

1) perfecting the asphyxiation batin technique
2) eat more fiber
3) keep positive trajectories
4) Mr. Steven Crane
5) contribute to twaddlenockery
6) eradicate twaddlenockery
7) [secret]
8) [too embarrassing to say - I suggest that I learn more before I embarrass myself any further]

(please note: I have suspended the standing resolution, which is to stop saying, "You go, girl" to myself)

The Mythbusters Take (Well, Took) on the Gorn Cannon



Dangit, I missed this one! So full of awesome.

WAKE UP!

Play it loud!



Happy New Year!

Long Yet Eminently Entertaining Review of The Phantom Menace















This guy has more reviews if you like this one.