Thursday, May 6, 2010

Why Do Breasts Mesmerize the Urkobold?

WHY? A RANDOM MAGAZINE FOCUSING ON SOME PSEUDOSCIENCE THAT INTERESTS THE URKOBOLD NOT--EXCEPT WHEN TALKING ABOUT TITS--TRIES TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION:
In recognition of "Boobquake" that was recently celebrated around the world as liberated women shook their breasts (figuratively) in the face of the Iranian cleric who recently blamed earthquakes on female sexuality, a few words on the mysterious allure of the human female breast.

Considering its almost total lack of muscle tissue, the female breast wields amazing power. Curvaceous women have leveraged this power to manipulate even the most accomplished, disciplined men for as long as anyone's been around to notice. Empires have fallen, wills have been revised, millions of magazines and calendars sold, Super Bowl audiences scandalized . . . all in response to the mysterious force emanating from what are, after all, small bags of fat.

One of the oldest human images known, the so-called Venus of Willendorf, created about 25,000 years ago, features a bosom of Dolly Parton-esque dimensions. Two hundred fifty centuries later, the power of the exaggerated breast shows little sign of getting old. According to the American Society of Plastic Surgery, 347,254 breast augmentation procedures were performed in the United States in 2007, making it the nation's most commonly performed surgical procedure. What gives the female breast such transcendent influence over heterosexual male consciousness?

THE REST OF THE ARTICLE BORES THE URKOBOLD AND IS NOT POSTED HERE.
WHY CAN'T THE URKOBOLD QUIT YOU, BABY?

GUEST TIT DEMONSTRATION SERVICES PROVIDED BY MISS KEELEY REBECCA M. HAZELL, FUTURE QUEEN OF ENGLAND.

9 comments:

VM said...

um? huh? sorry?

I um wasn't paying attention

*heads to stevo's bunk*

Pro Libertate said...

I was thinking it must be sweeps week again, but maybe this is a cry for help by the Urkobold?

Nah.

VM, scientist said...

it's the week of that science conference, of course.

Pro Libertate said...

Oh, right. She blinded him with science.

VikingMoose said...

yes. science.

Anonymous said...

So that's all English women then?

BakedPenguin said...

Rule, Britannia!

highnumber said...

Whut?

VM said...

lol wut