Tim Booth "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"
(Opens with Darren Moffit "You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side")
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Sulu Friday: Stretching the Meaning of the Day
Okay, I couldn't come up with a decent angle for Sulu today, so I'm going with someone who shares Takei's birthday: Adolf Hitler.Wayne Sulu Friday
Sulu broke into a dead run. Phil, the man he was following, all of a sudden decided to initiate his new year's resolution to get more conditioning work. He just started sprinting.
Or he knew Sulu was there.
Sulu didn't care. He had planned on confronting Phil and didn't mind being spotted. What he didn't count on was the aerobic activity in Allen Edmunds shoes. Oh my. These will get scuffed.
Just as Phil started his fast-paced movement, he stopped, bent over, with his hands on his knees. Sulu could see how hard he was breathing and took some wonderful, delicious glee that he was nowhere near as tired.
As Sulu approached, he was ready for whatever weapon would be drawn, whatever trick that would be pulled. Any hijinks.
What he hadn't counted on was what happened next.
Or he knew Sulu was there.
Sulu didn't care. He had planned on confronting Phil and didn't mind being spotted. What he didn't count on was the aerobic activity in Allen Edmunds shoes. Oh my. These will get scuffed.
Just as Phil started his fast-paced movement, he stopped, bent over, with his hands on his knees. Sulu could see how hard he was breathing and took some wonderful, delicious glee that he was nowhere near as tired.
As Sulu approached, he was ready for whatever weapon would be drawn, whatever trick that would be pulled. Any hijinks.
What he hadn't counted on was what happened next.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Spitzer to Lecture at Harvard's Edmond J. Safra Foundation Center for Ethics
'Cause, you know, no one knows ethics like a guy who abused his power on a daily basis and got tossed out of office for fooling around with high-priced call girls.Here's the lecture if any of our Cambridge/Boston-based readers would like to attend: "From Ayn Rand to Ken Feinberg – How Quickly the Paradigm Shifts. What Should Be the Rationale for Government Participation in the Market?" You can get tickets via the Center's website.
I like the lecture title. Indeed, the paradigm has shifted from Randian libertarianism (whatever that is) to Ken Feinberg-type wage controls. Because, you know, it was laissez faire, Wild West, deregulatory, gold-standard craziness during the Bush years.
Pictured: Where Spitzer should be lecturing, and no, not because of the whore.Vampire Thursday: Breaking News!
In a nod to the vampire craze sweeping the entertainment industry, the Prince of Wales took it upon himself to knight Vlad Tepes ("Vlad the Impaler"), more popularly known as that bloodsucking vampire, Count Dracula. No reason was given for the move, nor did the Prince or the Queen address speculation that the Count had, in fact, made Princess Diana into a vampire prior to her reputed demise.
Pictured: Prince Charles using his superspeed to evade a neck-biting attempt by Sir Count Dracula
Pictured: Official publicity photo of Sir Count DraculaWednesday, November 4, 2009
Two More Reasons to Vote for Sarah Palin for Whatever Office She Wants
Thursday Afternoon Update:
MINION AND COMMENTER SMACKY OBJECTS TO YET ANOTHER POSTING INVOLVING LARGE BOSOMS. THE URKOBOLD IS FOND OF YOUNG SMACKY AND IS A BENEVOLENT TROLL AND MASTER; THEREFORE, HE HEREBY GRANTS HER REQUEST. BEHOLD!
Happy Birthday to the Big Three!
Loretta Swit, 72
Ralph Macchio, 48
Markie Post, 59
7 various Emmys, Golden Globes, People's Choice, Long Island Independent Film Awards, etc. among them.
Ralph Macchio, 48
Markie Post, 59
7 various Emmys, Golden Globes, People's Choice, Long Island Independent Film Awards, etc. among them.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
BREAKING NEWS: URKOBOLD HEALTH CARE
Sad?
Upset that your assessment of your health is actually fucked up and plain ol wrong?
Can't even last 6 minutes on "Bruce"? "But I thought I was in good shape..."
Think the internet is smarter than your internist?
Think that the latest diet fad or health information that people talk about at work is reliable?
Think any health advice from Oprah is correct?
Don't do the things you actually need to produce and subsequently enjoy health?
Or are you simply at the wrong place, wrong time, maybe wrong genes, and still need a boost (heterozygous familial hyperlipidemia, anyone?)?
THEN THIS POST IS FOR YOU!
The beloved and feared but dreaded and admired URKOBOLD has the answer.
URKOBOLD health.
That's right. Working diligently in Taintsville, Parma, Walla Walla, Cherry Creek, Duluth, and Tempe, URKOBOLD has come up with a health plan that will not cost a shitload of cash. Will make the whiny fucking bastards finally shut the fuck up (on all sides). And it'll make the URKOBOLD hoards, gobs, and tons of moolah, which shall be tenderly and relentlessly hoarded.
Go from this:
(This is an actual patient from the URKOBOLDlaboratories clinic)
To this:
Stay tuned, dear readers, for the press release later today.
(photo credits and separate behavior and bad luck/bad circumstance of course - that's a biggie. The former makes it harder for the latter. Or: orphan conditions, etc.etc. etc. This is a fucking complex issue that goes beyond yelling "socialism" and "free market", of course)
Upset that your assessment of your health is actually fucked up and plain ol wrong?
Can't even last 6 minutes on "Bruce"? "But I thought I was in good shape..."
Think the internet is smarter than your internist?
Think that the latest diet fad or health information that people talk about at work is reliable?
Think any health advice from Oprah is correct?
Don't do the things you actually need to produce and subsequently enjoy health?
Or are you simply at the wrong place, wrong time, maybe wrong genes, and still need a boost (heterozygous familial hyperlipidemia, anyone?)?
THEN THIS POST IS FOR YOU!
The beloved and feared but dreaded and admired URKOBOLD has the answer.
URKOBOLD health.
That's right. Working diligently in Taintsville, Parma, Walla Walla, Cherry Creek, Duluth, and Tempe, URKOBOLD has come up with a health plan that will not cost a shitload of cash. Will make the whiny fucking bastards finally shut the fuck up (on all sides). And it'll make the URKOBOLD hoards, gobs, and tons of moolah, which shall be tenderly and relentlessly hoarded.
Go from this:
(This is an actual patient from the URKOBOLD
To this:
Stay tuned, dear readers, for the press release later today.
(photo credits and separate behavior and bad luck/bad circumstance of course - that's a biggie. The former makes it harder for the latter. Or: orphan conditions, etc.etc. etc. This is a fucking complex issue that goes beyond yelling "socialism" and "free market", of course)
Monkey Tuesday: Preview of Vampire Thursday
Emo Monkey sat back and wondered what to write for Thursday's episode.
Things, you see, have been so busy and have also been rather stressful. Emo wanted to do a good job, keep learning, and be a good team player.
IT JUST TAKES ITS TOLL ON OTHER ACTIVITIES. WHY OH WHY CAN'T EMO VAMPIRE BE EASY? THE MOOSE HAS IT SO EASY WITH THE NOIR. AND DRUG SONGS? IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!
Just then, Emo Monkey had an idea. Exactly what to do.
HOMECOMING DANCE SCENE!
But it's now November. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD TWO WEEKS AGO. RIGHT AFTER THE EMO NURSE EPISODE. IS IT TOO LATE?
But Emo Monkey thought of how it would unfold. The first of several images as HE would imagine her at the dance.
As preview, hier's the first:
photo credit.
Stay tuned
Things, you see, have been so busy and have also been rather stressful. Emo wanted to do a good job, keep learning, and be a good team player.
IT JUST TAKES ITS TOLL ON OTHER ACTIVITIES. WHY OH WHY CAN'T EMO VAMPIRE BE EASY? THE MOOSE HAS IT SO EASY WITH THE NOIR. AND DRUG SONGS? IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!
Just then, Emo Monkey had an idea. Exactly what to do.
HOMECOMING DANCE SCENE!
But it's now November. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD TWO WEEKS AGO. RIGHT AFTER THE EMO NURSE EPISODE. IS IT TOO LATE?
But Emo Monkey thought of how it would unfold. The first of several images as HE would imagine her at the dance.
As preview, hier's the first:
photo credit.
Stay tuned
Monkey Tuesday: Don't Have to Live Like a Chimpanzee
"Chimpanzee"
(sung to the tune of Tom Petty's "Refugee")
We got somethin', we both know it,
We don't talk too much about it.
Yeah, it ain't no real big secret, all the same,
Somehow we get around it.
Listen, it don't really matter to me, baby,
You relieve where you want to relieve.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody
Must have kicked you around some.
Tell me why you wanna lay there
And revel in your monkeydom.
Listen, it don't make no difference to me, baby,
Everybody's got a right to cast feces.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee,
Now baby you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
Baby, we ain't the first.
I'm sure a lot of monkey lovers been spurned.
Right now bananas are a meal to you,
But it's quite another thing
For you to live in a zoo.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody
Must have kicked you around some.
Who knows, maybe you were kidnapped,
Tied up, taken away, and held for ransom,
It don't really matter to me,
Everybody's got a right to cast feces.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
I said you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
(sung to the tune of Tom Petty's "Refugee")
We got somethin', we both know it,
We don't talk too much about it.
Yeah, it ain't no real big secret, all the same,
Somehow we get around it.
Listen, it don't really matter to me, baby,
You relieve where you want to relieve.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody
Must have kicked you around some.
Tell me why you wanna lay there
And revel in your monkeydom.
Listen, it don't make no difference to me, baby,
Everybody's got a right to cast feces.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee,
Now baby you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
Baby, we ain't the first.
I'm sure a lot of monkey lovers been spurned.
Right now bananas are a meal to you,
But it's quite another thing
For you to live in a zoo.
Somewhere, somehow, somebody
Must have kicked you around some.
Who knows, maybe you were kidnapped,
Tied up, taken away, and held for ransom,
It don't really matter to me,
Everybody's got a right to cast feces.
You see you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
I said you don't. . .have. . .to live like a chimpanzee.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Iceland Turns to the Dark Side
See if you can recognize this guest conductor for a performance of the Icelandic Philharmonic Orchestra.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
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