The Onion: Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors Right to Choose How They Are Killed

From the article:

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama held a nationally televised address Tuesday to "clarify any misunderstandings" about his health care proposal, assuring Americans that under the new bill senior citizens—and not the federal government—will have the right to choose how they are executed.

See the whole bit. Not bad. I've been less enthused with The Onion in recent years, but they've hit on some good ones lately. The money hole video was nice, for instance.

Drug Song of the Day - Cocaine Wednesday

Grandmaster Flash & Melle Mel "White Lines (Don't Do It)"

Tying Threads Together

So the average reader is probably thinking "well, this Urkobold site has some interesting content, but boy, is it all over the place." This explains why you're average, reader! The content of many of the posts over the past weeks and days (including my last) has cleverly led into this one - A House, M.D. fan vid of Cuddy's strip tease with Soul Coughing's $300 playing in the background.

The song was used during an actual House, M.D. episode dealing with his Vicodin addiction. This makes sense, since the original song dealt with Soul Coughing's M. Doughty's heroin addiction. So this is a bonus Drug Song of the Day, bonus House, MD, and bonus Soul Coughing post all in one.

And yes, I'm aware Pro Libertate posted another clip of the Cuddy striptease earlier this week. Personally, I don't mind watching it twice.

Is Chicago? Is NOT Chicago.

This is a post to congratulate our Chicago Urkobolders, readers, and all its other peaceful denizens on not being forced to accept more rampant theivery to host (as one does a parasite?) the Olympics. The level of corruption surrounding these games is sickening, especially when URKOBOLD™ does not get his cut. Hear that Daley? Hear that, Obama? Had you wet the beak of the Ubertroll, you could be having your silly games, but you had to be greedy.

Anyway, to justify the title of the post, here are the awesome Soul Coughing, with the song of the same name (although I altered the punctuation to relate it to the Olympics). (Warning: the song lyrics were written in the 1990's, prior to 9-11. It has a repeated lyric which often reminds people of 9-11, so if you still have a sensitivity to that event, you probably don't want to watch/listen.)

Monkey Tuesday: Monkey and Ben Stiller Engage in Slap Fight

From one of those museum movies, I think.

***Update***

Commenter and Nobel Laureate J sub D questioned--twice--Ben Stiller's credibility as a comic. While I tend to agree that Stiller has produced extensive amounts of crap, he has amused me a few times. I thought Zoolander was reasonably funny, and I really liked one bit from his old TV show:

Monkey Tuesday: Letterman Blames Sneezing Monkey for His Sexual Escapades

Drug Song of the Day - Caffeine Tuesday

Blur "Coffee & TV"

Monkey Tuesday: STRIKE!

Day 69 of the Monkey strike continues to affect Monkey Tuesday, a regularly occurring feature that involves hilarity, mirth, a dirty mitten, and a soiled, discarded clown costume.

While we have had auditions to find a suitable replacement, we realize that, absent Mr. Steven Crane, who's still languishing in Evil Fiziks Prison, things might not be as straightforwards as you'd otherwise think.

Take for example, this feeble attempt at a Flying Monkey Guard



Fortunately, our quality control department labeled this application correctly.

Other applicants were just plain ol' silly



Oh, c'mon. You're not even trying. And the costume isn't soiled (yet).

Now get with the program people.

photo credits.

I'm Just a Caveman. Your World Frightens and Confuses Me.

Click the image to see a larger version. Caveman Science Fiction comes from Dresden Codak , the nom de plume of an Internet cartoonist (via io9).

This is the Urkobold. He's Too Brilliant for Introductions.

I just got the DVD set for the fifth season of House, M.D. for my birthday and watched the first couple of episodes last night. In one, House walks into his patient's room for the first time and starts giving her shots or doing something else nice and invasive, without so much as a "By your leave, guv." After this has gone on for a moment (with the patient asking who he is and getting ignored), one of his staff ("13") tells the patient, "This is Dr. House. He's too brilliant for introductions."

Awesome.

***Update***

You know, when I scroll past this post, Hugh Laurie's eyes seem to keep looking at me. If I move my head to the left, the eyes follow me. If I move to the right, the eyes follow me. And so on. How does he do that? Is it an English thing?

***Mo Better Update***

The Innominate One, an Urkobold commenter too brilliant for introductions, has pointed us to a House promo showing the statement under consideration:

Drug Song of the Day - Prescription Monday

The Chosen Few "Collie Stuff"

Drug Song of the Day - Psychedelic Sunday

Funkadelic "Free Your Mind and Your Ass Will Follow"

Drug Song of the Day - Alcohol Saturday

Steve Goodman "How Much Tequila Did I Drink Last Night?"

Reader Question 7,114: Does the Urkobold Watch House, M.D.?

WHILE THE URKOBOLD ENJOYS DR. HOUSE'S ABUSE OF HIS INFERIORS (HE IS CLEARLY MODELED ON THE URKOBOLD IN THAT RESPECT), THE URKOBOLD HAS OTHER, MORE TANGIBLE REASONS FOR WATCHING THE CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED SHOW:

It's Been a Long Time Since Firefly, Hasn't It?

CAN IT BE? WHY, YES, THAT IS NATHAN FILLION!












WHAT? THAT IS NOT PORN. IT'S MISSING. . .SOMETHING. BE FURTHER APPALLED BY MORE SO-CALLED PG PORN.

The University of Florida: Number One in Zombie Preparedness

Read below or follow the link for a more eye-friendly version: Zombie Attack Disaster Preparedness Simulation Exercise

Word of the Day: Oktoberbrüste

Ok·to·ber·brüste [ok-toh-ber-brewste]

-noun (German)
1. An autumn festival that usually emphasizes large, mostly exposed breasts, merrymaking, the consumption of beer, and more large, mostly exposed breasts.

[German: Oktober, October (from Latin Octōber; see October) + Brüste, plural form of breasts.]

GERMANY! IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT INVADING FRANCE! MEIN PEOPLE HABEN OTHER HOBBIES AS WELL:

Don't Thread Comments Here No More

Reason Magazine's Hit & Run blog recently went to a threaded comments format. While I'm sure it works for many people, and I respect the time and effort put in by their web team, my aging brain no likee.

"Don't Thread Comments Here No More"
(sung to the tune of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers' "Don't Come Around Here No More")

Hey! Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Whoever you're working for,
Hey! Don't thread comments here no more.

I've given up, stop. I've given up, stop.
I've given up, stop. On waiting any longer.
I've given up, on this tech getting stronger.

Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.

I don't see posts anymore.
You hearken my demur,
Whoever you're working for.
Hey, don't thread comments here no more.

I've given up, stop. I've given up, stop.
I've given up, stop. You tangle my deep postings.
I've given up, bloggy, please admit it's over.

Hey! Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Don't thread comments here no more.

Stop movin' round my speech.
Don't thread comments here no more.
Who did you expect to reach?
Don't thread comments here no more.
Whoever you're working for,
Hey! Don't thread comments here no more.
Hey! Bloggy, please, don't thread comments here no more.
Whoever you're working for.
Ah, oh, ah, ah.
Don't thread comments here no more.

The heck with it--here's the Tom Petty video, too:

Wayne Sulu Friday: Fuck the Olympics

Wayne, Sulu, Emo Vampire, the trembling Spokesperson, heck, even the WEIBSKOBOLD all hate the olympics.

as should you.

fuck 'em.

the corruption is staggering. and of course, they allowed one of Franco's henchmen to be head of the IOC for all those years. That should tell you everything you need to know about 1) the IOC and 2) Europeans (they wanted a "european" in that "prestigious" position).

fuck 'em, too.

If Chicago gets it, well, that's grounds enough for moving.

The infrastructure is crumbling. Traffic is terrible. Granted, a huge portion of that is people calling/texting while driving, but the streets simply cannot handle the volume of traffic. So, apparently, there is a "Traffic Specialist" out there that will magically make it possible to have the increased volume of traffic. Where the fuck is that asshole now? While it takes one hour or more to drive the Eden's in from Lake Cook on a typical rush hour evening -- the "reverse commute" is longer.

Then, for those fucking morons who think "it'll be good for the city". How? Like it was good for Montreal? How'd that work out for them?

If you're that fucking stupid and weak that you need some sort of hypernationalistic bullshit to get your gears going, nice for you. Please tell us so we can safely ignore any opinions you might have. Dumbass.

So, at the end of the day today, here's to hoping we can point to the supporters and do this:



Photo credit.

and fuck the IOC. and the olympics.



(CREDIT!!!!!!!!! go out and buy their stuff and shame on you for not having their stuff to begin with)



UPDATE: HA HA!!!!!

Drug Song of the Day - Speed Friday

Harry the Hipster Gibson "Who Put the Benzedrine in Mrs Murphy's Ovaltine?"

Non-Vampire Japanese Thursday: Dear God, Is that Supposed to be Sesame Street?

ONN Reports: Bat Loose in Congress

BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS

Michael Bay Getting the Mail*

* Via Manofest.com.

Drug Song of the Day - Opiate Thursday

Johnny Thunders and The Heartbreakers "Too Much Junkie Business"