Sulu Friday: Captain Kirk is Climbing a Mountain

Nah. there's no Sulu, but the Shat said he'd stand in for George today.

Wayne Sulu Friday

Sulu sat back. He had grown tired of listening to this potential client. Sure, the client was top dollar. Straight down to his shoes. Sulu would have bet that he even polished the bottom of them.

Cecil Renselear, one of the richer people Sulu had ever seen, was droning on about his problem, that he never thought he would need to hire someone like Sulu, oh my he was nervous, and isn't it a lovely day?

Sulu suppressed a smile. This is serious business, after all. He was used to the nervousness and social discomfort from the upper deciles of his clientele, but this seemed over the top. None of them was this rich, though.

Sulu had planned on a more quiet, relatively leisurely day, but that changed about two minutes before he left for home the night before. He was dawdling, thinking about what to have for dinner (he did handmade pizza on a special pizza stone), something he usually did as he locked up and took the stairs down. Instead, he was staring out the window, as the door opened and the problem walked in.

Lloyd Ferris, esq. Personal and confidential attorney for one Cecil Renselear strode in with a manner that Sulu checked to see if he had his own six piece mellow jazz band theme music accompanying him.

After Sulu got the preliminary details, agreed on terms, and, no doubt, Lloyd Ferris, esq vetted him, Cecil arrived with his tale of woe.

"Can you do it? Can you help me?"

Cecil Renselear's cliche question jarred Sulu back to the moment. He assured his employer that he was able to help, he knew what to do, in fact, he might get results if the mood so struck him.

Renselear was unsure how to take that. He awkwardly extended his hand to Sulu. They shook hands. Renselear left.

Sulu sat down, looked at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, smiling.

Once more into the fray dear friends.

He got up and went out to detect.

Breaking News: Senate Confirms Sonia Sotomayor for Supreme Court

Official Supreme Court Photo of Justice Sotomayor

Urkobold #1 Search Result for the Term, "Womby Vaultages"

Now Urkobold freakin' owns "womby vaultages." Yes! In your face, Shakespeare!

At last, Urkobold Productions LLC can begin development of its new blockbuster movie, Womby Vaultages, starring the women from this peculiar French game show:

Are these French women the "womby vaultages of France [that] shall chide your trespass and return your mock?" Only Shakespeare knows for sure, and he's dead or, at best, undead.

UPDATE: WHAT? WHAT IS THIS FICKLENESS AT GOOGLE? NOW THE URKOBOLD HAS SLIPPED TO FIFTH PLACE! THIS CALLS FOR REVENGE OF THE HIGHEST ORDER!

UPDATE #2: NOW THE URKOBOLD IS NUMBER ONE AGAIN! YES, BOW BEFORE THE URKOBOLD, GOOGLE. ACCEPT HIS PRIMACY ON THIS INTERTUBIAL-LIKE CONSTRUCT.

Obama's the Joker? Or is it Bush?

From Vanity Fair in July 2008. To be fair, Bush and Obama both deserve this sort of mockery, even if neither is a psycho or Batman's chief nemesis. Well, I don't think either is, anyway. In any case, it's a good time to be a libertarian, because "mainstream" political thinking is at about Joker levels of rationality.

Vampire Thursday: Emo Vampire

Emo Vampire was looking at the ceiling. His fingers interwoven behind his head, and his elbows were out o the side. Not the most comfortable position, but he saw a really cool character do it. Really. He got it. He knew what was Real. He battled the poseurs and wanna-bes. He lost in the end, but he earned their respect.

Emo Vampire thought about how it would go down. Oh yes, he would be ready. He sat up, swung his legs over the bed and put both feet down on the floor simultaneously. He also saw the character do that. Man, he kept it so Real. He fought. He had that pirate radio show. And he won. But he lost. But SHE noticed him.

Yes, that's how it would go down.



He would be ready. His intensity, already, he believed, was the stuff of legend, would be turned up. Keeping it Real. The poseurs and wanna-bes would stay out of his way. He'd strut through school. Maybe getting a cheer if he went up to make an announcement at school meeting at 10.

Then IT would show up. The dreaded IT. A monster so horrible and frightening, Galen and his lacrosse crew would scream and try to take refuge behind their sticks.

The dreaded IT



SHE would be there, too. But she slipped and fell as Galen ran away from her, leaving her to the IT's wrath.





He would battle. Emo Vampire looked into his [special mirror dammit] mirror and practiced some of his UFC moves he had been watching. WHY DO THEY HAVE TO LIKE UFC STUFF, TOO? I AM ORIGINAL WITH IT. THEY'RE NEW TO THE SPORT AND DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT IT. I'VE BEEN A FAN SINCE TUF SEASON TWO.

He shook that out of his head and finished the IT with some sort of fancy submission that made it shriek and disappear in a cloud of dust.

He would approach HER. Pick her up



Yes, he would be there for her. He would make her understand.

The portcullis to his lair opened. "What are you doing down there?? OOH! I should have knocked!!!"




Emo Vampire sighed. He sat back down on the bed to lie down. Face down to the pillow.

photo credits.

The Following Image Picture Offends Democrats and Overstimulates Republicans! View with Caution!

Unconscious Japanese Desire for Humanity's Collective Suicide Becomes Less Unconscious

Yeah, that's a good idea: giant, operational robot. In Tokyo. Gundamnit, what are they thinking?

* Saw the picture on Cracked.com in a piece on images that look photoshopped but aren't.

Man, I'd Like to See this Movie Wednesday: E.T. the Alien

There are a whole bunch of other movie poster mashups at b3ta.com, but I found this one particularly amusing. Bet it ends a little differently than E.T.

On A Boring Wednesday: Got Lost in the Supermarket

I can no longer shop happily.

The special offer was sold out.

Word of the Day: Physicisticuffs

phys·i·cist·i·cuffs [fiz-uh-sis-ti-kuhfs]

-noun

1. Combat with the fists involving one or more physicists.

Pictured: The inevitable future of physicisticuffs

And here's the photo that inspired the word:

Allow me to demonstrate gravity on your toes, Jim.

Monkey Tuesday: The Supremacy of the Monkey

Monkey Tuesday: Monkeys in a Bag

Monkey Tuesday: You Do Not Want to Fuck with This Monkey

If it's not the fangs, it'll bang it's 'tini glass in your eyes.

Snap its fez in your face.

Then beat you with its wings.

Not a candidate for fucking with.

Actually, since you're not supposed to fuck with the monkey anyways, this is one that you're supposed to not definitely --

Or would that be you're supposed not to definitely --

Well, whatever. Doesn't matter. Point is, this underscores that top rule about fucking with said monkey.

I heard from this one guy I know that he knows this guy whose cousin had his arms pulled off by a monkey he fucked with, and then, like, the monkey beat the crap out of him with his own arm. Like right there. In the food court. fuck. That's just wrong, man.

Just plain ol' wrong.


(photo credit)

Eclipses from Space

Saw this at the Large Picture Blog and decided to share:

I've never seen a total eclipse, but I did see an annular eclipse when I lived in Chicago. Very cool.

Clarification: The annular eclipse I saw when I lived in Chicago I saw from the ground, not from space.

Plato's The Matrix

From the mind of philosopher/director Plato comes this re-imagining of the Wachowski's brothers 1999 hit, The Matrix. Working strictly in clay and retelling the story in a cave-like setting with much less Keanu Reeves, Plato has once again delivered a tour de force in his uniquely ultraviolent philosophy.

Critics are astounded!

"A revolutionary breakthrough in 3-D."
"Kate Winslet glows!"
"The first great romantic comedy of the year."
"Disturbing exploration of the human condition."

Failed Posting Monday: "Whoreganic" Word of the Day

So, after plodding through several hundred comments in Hit & Run's recent stream of food threads, I had thought to post a new neologism/Word of the Day: "whoreganic." Unfortunately, when I googled the term, I learned that it was already in use.

The hell with the Internet.

***Update***

In performing an image search for "whoreganic", I found the following:

Not really what I was thinking of. Can I have this word deleted from the Intertubials and start over again?

You Pronounced It Wrong

tear
tear
wound
wound
polish
Polish
minute
minute

What other combinations are there?

Now We're Looking At a Flashback Sunday (Zoom Lens Version)

When dealing with multiple issues that contain various complications, keeping a perspective on things is not only a key element in handling these multiple issues that contain various complications, it is paramount to maintaining perspective.

Such instances during which doubt may arise due to the problems maintaining perspective over these multiple issues that contain various complications for which keeping perspective on things is the key element to handling these multiple issues that contain various complications, one must not focus on the doubt, which can further complicate the various complications contained within these multiple issues.

Doubt removal in a swift and decisive manner will enable rapid elimination of the doubt that can arise when dealing with multiple issues that contain various complications which must have perspective kept on at all times and manners.

By letting creativity be your guide, proper dealing with multiple issues that contain various complications on which perspective must be kept, and for which doubt which may arise due to the problems maintaining perspective over such multiple issues that contain various complications, one can properly handle all variations of the multiple issues that contain various complications.

New Wave Saturday

The Feelies
Moscow Nights
Loveless Love
Deep Fascination

Mission of Burma
That's when...
That's how...
Peking Spring

Fugazi
Turnover
Long Division
Suggestion

The Chameleons
Soul in Isolation
Nostalgia
Second Skin
Perfume Garden
In Shreds

Camouflage
The Great Commandment
Suspicious Love
Heaven

Wolfsheim
Sparrows and Nightingales
Once in a Lifetime
Kein Zurück
Künstliche Welten
Übers Jahr

Beborn Beton
Another World
Eisplanet
Stranger

The Embarrassment
I'm a Don Juan
Celebrity Art Party
Don't Choose the Wrong Song

thanks to the posters. go out and buy their stuff.