Glam Metal Wee Hours

Sulu Friday: When Sulu Was a Black Man

Before the Internet, before the spin-offs, there was the time when Trek fans only had fan fiction, a few novels, the animated series, and vinyl albums. The albums were Star Trek Story Records, with original stories performed in full techno-audio. These albums included read-along comics, a panel of which is pictured above. Yes, that's Mr. Sulu, the black man from Japan.

Passing the Reins

Welcome to our Extraordinary [R]E[n]dition of Alternative Friday Funnies!

Stimulus? That's Not a Stimulus. This is a Stimulus!

****NOT SAFE FOR WORK EXCEPT FOR THOSE IN THE PORN INDUSTRY OR IN OTHER PROFESSIONS INVOLVING NAKED WOMEN.****

ORIGINALLY BROADCAST AS A COMMERCIAL FOR A SIEMENS WASHING MACHINE, BUT PERFECTLY SUITABLE AS AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE PROPOSED STIMULUS PACKAGE. IT CERTAINLY STIMULATES THE URKOBOLD'S ECONOMY!

Word of the Day: Gymnasium

gym·na·si·um [jĭm-nā'zē-əm]

-noun (pl. gym·na·si·ums or gym·na·si·a)
1. A place to be naked for physical exercise.

[Greek, Gymnasion (γυμνάσιον) is derived from the common Greek adjective gymnos (γυμνός), meaning "naked", by way of the related verb gymnazein (γυμνάζειν), whose meaning is "to do physical exercise".]

Pictured: Modern athlete preparing to enter the gymnasium

The Scooby-Doo Project

The Blair Witch Project came up over at Hit & Run today, which brought to mind this great parody that mashes up those meddling kids from Scooby-Doo and the Blair Witch plot. Awesome fun.

Warning: There is no Velma-Daphne porn in this video!

New Hire at URKOBOLD Industries or TRIUMPH

"The URKOBOLD is pleased", began the quaking spokesperson to the URKOBOLD, the beloved and dreaded ur- and über- TROLL of the internet, teh internets, teh intertubz, and Stevo's bunk. "Today we have be---SHRIEEEEEEEEEK!!!"

At this point, the gathered reporters and analysts realized that the spokesperson had been dragged forcibly away from the podium and was administered a "seven veils, murphy style" taint withering.

In the uncomfortable silence that followed, someone's stomach gurgled, causing titters. Then, upon reading the word "titter", many others began chortling.

However, the slide show of said withered taint quickly sobered the gathered information gatherers who were gathered there to give a gander and gather the aforementioned gatherings. The ersatz spokesperson continued:

..."the URKOBOLD announces the position of Head Greeter at the URKOBOLD discount shopping center, URKOBOLD-CO CLUB has been filled."

"We believe that Mr. Ash is of superior character, possesses that welcoming, calming demeanor, and is good with children. He will be able to lure them into the basting oven without too much trouble."





Analysts predict he will also be able to lure people to the attractive deals and low prices, which will lead to economic profits, which the URKOBOLD shall hoard relentlessly.

Monkey Tuesday: The Shat Discusses His Sex Tape with Koko

Bill Shatner reveals how he motivated himself to perform in the first interspecies sex tape. A deep insight into the acting techniques of the Shat.

Monkey Tuesday - The Final Frontier

Urkobold has reflected on the beauty of monkey sex, particularly massive monkey sex on many occasions, so when an innominate reader referred Urkobold to this graphic exploration of monkey love, we were delighted to share it with Koko.

Koko in turn introduced us to her favorite intimate photo of Mr Steven Crane:


Quote Koko, "Kiss kiss distended anus."

Credit to all.
Now it belongs to the world!

Fuck Obama...

After listening to our new crappy president drone on and on about how we need Socialism 2.0, I really can't fucking take it anymore. 

I think Stiff Little Fingers had it right, even more so than The Who

Inflammable material planted in my head
It's a suspect device that's left 2000 dead
Their solutions are our problems
They put up the wall
On each side time and prime us
And make sure we get sod all

They play their games of power
They cut and mark the pack
They deal us to the bottom
But what do they put back?

Don't believe them
Don't believe them
Don't be bitten twice
You gotta suss, suss, suss, suss, suss out
suspect device

They take away our freedom
In the name of liberty
Why can't they all just clear off
Why can't they let us be

They make us feel indebted
For saving us from hell
And then they put us through it
It's time the bastards fell

Don't believe them 
Don't believe them
Don’t be bitten twice 
You gotta suss, suss, suss, suss, suss out
suspect device

Don't believe them 
Don't believe them
Question everything you’re told

Just take a look around you 
At the bitterness and spite
Why can’t we take over 
And try to put it right

Don't believe us 
Don't believe us
Don’t be bitten twice
You gotta suss, suss, suss, suss, suss out
suspect device

We're a suspect device if we do what we are told
But a suspect device can score an own goal
I'm a suspect device the Army can't defuse
You're a suspect device they know they can't refuse
We're gonna blow up in their face

UPDATE: dhex posted this relevant link over at H&R:

We're still allowing extraordinary rendition. So let me repeat: Fuck Obama.

Underzoggy!!!

Click on the pictures to see a larger version...