CHICAGO -- While addressing law students and faculty at a Northwestern University School of Law conference on diversity yesterday, Vice President George Takei finally broke his silence on the rancorous healthcare reform debate. Prompted to address the issue by a question about the so-called "Death Panels", Takei--who was initially quite flustered by the query--launched into an impassioned defense of the administration's plans:
Death Panels? To quote my good friend, Barney Frank, "What planet are you from?" Eminiar VII? Our plan isn't about death, it's about life. Long life and prosperity.
The president and I discussed the state of American healthcare many times during our campaign and since taking office. It may surprise you to learn that the president's vision is based, in large part, upon the promising and hopeful future portrayed on Star Trek. Yes, Star Trek.
How is this relevant to our healthcare plan? Well, let me quote the president: "George, when I watch Star Trek, and Sulu or some other character gets injured, do they have to pay Dr. McCoy for medical treatment? Hell, no!" And you know what? He's right. I never did pay Dr. McCoy! It was free! And no one can deny that the crew of the Enterprise got the best care in the entire galaxy, can they? [applause]
Okay, enough about my acting career. [laughter] Let's talk about this "Death Panel" nonsense. The truth is that several prominent critics of the program have simply misread the bill. We don't talk about Death Panels; we talk about Dearth Panels. As we aim for the perfect socialism of Star Trek's Federation, we expect our plan to generate an excess of dearth, which will need to be allocated and distributed among Americans by the very best political and economic experts.
Dearth will be made available to most Americans, and, let me assure you, we'll be generous in awarding dearth to everyone, especially--especially!--Republicans, old Nazi protesters, gun owners, corporate executives, and people who refuse to unionize. The free market has failed yet again. Don't let so-called "experts" and "astroturfers" cloud the issue with their lies and deceit--with enough blind hope and faith in the president and in the Democratic Party, we Americans can achieve anything! [enthusiastic applause and repeated chants of "Dearth to unbelievers! Dearth!"]