Monday, February 2, 2009

Palate Cleanser

THE URKOBOLD WISHES TO CLEANSE THE OPTICAL PALATES OF HIMSELF AND HIS READERSHIP AFTER LAST WEEK'S UNFORTUNATE POSTING. PLEASE VIEW THIS BANNED SUPER BOWL VIDEO IN THE PRIVACY OF YOUR OWN BUNK.

FOR THE RECORD, PETA LEFT OUT A KEY PIECE OF INFORMATION WHEN IT SAID THAT "VEGETARIANS HAVE BETTER SEX." THE STATEMENT SHOULD HAVE READ, "VEGETARIANS HAVE BETTER SEX THAN PEOPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF A HUNGER STRIKE."

PETA UPDATE:

THE URKOBOLD, FIRMLY IN THE CARNIVORE CATEGORY (PREFERABLY INVOLVING AN ANIMAL THAT DIED AT OR NEAR THE DINING TABLE, OR, BETTER YET, IN THE URKOBOLD'S MAW), WAS VIRTUALLY UNAWARE OF THIS PETA ORGANIZATION UNTIL TODAY. HOWEVER, ONE OF THE URKOBOLD'S MINIONS HAS BROUGHT TO THE URKOBOLD INFORMATION TO THE EFFECT THAT PETA'S DEDICATION TO ANTI-ANIMAL CRUELTY COMES SECOND, OR EVEN THIRD, BEHIND ITS DESIRE TO PROMOTE NAKED WOMEN. BEHOLD:
THE URKOBOLD IS PLEASED. WHO CARES ABOUT ANIMALS, ANYWAY? NAKED, HOT WOMEN--NOW THAT'S SOMETHING THE URKOBOLD CAN GET BEHIND.

7 comments:

BakedPenguin said...

See, I'm not entirely sure how effective those ads are. The "Chuck / Loin / Rump" one especially. I see it and I want to eat...

...well, not salad, anyway.

Urkobold™ said...

THIS IS THE URKOBOLD'S REACTION, AS WELL, BAKEDMINION. THE URKOBOLD SUSPECTS THAT PETA IS A FRONT FOR A PORN COMPANY. BECAUSE THEIR ADS ARE WRAPPED IN THE CAUSE, SO TO SPEAK, THEY CAN GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING. NOTE THE MODEL-LIKE BUILD AND ATTRACTIVENESS OF EACH WOMAN--NOT YOUR TYPICAL HAIRY LOLA GRANOLA. STRANGE, UNLESS THE URKOBOLD'S THEORY IS TRUE.

Sean Connery said...

I must say that these advertisements are more prone to make me want to touch my meat, if you gather my meaning, than to refrain from doing so. Aye, it's an odd message these lasses convey, that's for damned certain.

Remember, lads, the tree doesn't always fall at the first stroke.

Stevo Darkly said...

I think it is a great idea, and very effective, to dramatize cruelty to animals by using images of hot women in similar plights.

Are there any animals that are abused and mistreated by people dressing them up as French maids and spanking them? Because I would like to bring such cases to PETA's attention forthwith.

VikingMoose said...

*thinking about Stevo's query*

No. Nobody would do that. Nobody.

um...

bouncy bouncy?

Pro Libertate said...

I'm with our master, the Urkobold. I suspect that PETA is merely a front for some sort of neo-anarcho-lesbian porn outfit.

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