Thursday, September 11, 2008

Happy Belated Lab Whore Day!

Honor the Lab Whore! Love her! Test her!

The Urkobold must again apologize for not wishing his loyal minions a Happy Lab Whore Day on September 1. As happens every year, the Urkobold gets caught up in the celebrations and forgets to send out cards and general felicitations.

Lab Whore Day was recognized by Congress in 1894 as a day for celebrating and promoting lab whores, scientisticalish looking women who can create powerful vacuums with their mouths and other apparatus. Interestingly, American advances in science in the twentieth century can be directly attributed to the recognition and growing use of the lab whore. Not only did lab whores stimulate domestic growth, they also enticed scientists from abroad, such as Albert Einstein, Enrico Fermi, and others, to abandon their possessions and families in their rush to get to the United States.

Today, lab whores are an integral part of the scientific community, and they continue to serve a vital purpose. But the fight is not yet over. Many labs still do not have their own full-time lab whore or must settle for untrained lab whores. If you are a woman who meets the federal standards for lab whoring, America needs you!
The Official Lab Whore of Lab Whore Day 2008, Miss Kari Byron

***Update***
The Urkobold has just learned that it is a breach of fashion protocol for lab whores to wear white labcoats with nothing underneath after Lab Whore Day. Colored labcoats with nothing underneath are okay until Mammorial Day, apparently. Being sartorially challenged, the Urkobold was unaware of this fact and has decided to share it with the world, to prevent unfortunate and embarrassing fashion snafus. Be forewarned!

10 comments:

smacky said...

It's nice to have job security.

smacky said...

And thank you for the holiday wishes. I don't think my lab is honoring me today, though. I'm glad Urkobold came through for me, though. At least someone remembered.

Pro Libertate said...

I spoke with your EA, smacky, and it looks like she forgot to give you your invitation. Just so you know, Lab Whore Day is the first Monday in September. I know that the Urkobold was asking for you personally, as he drank tequila shots from test tubes.

Maybe next year!

the innominate one said...

hey, why don't I have a lab whore?

or am I the lab whore?

hmmm.....

Pro Libertate said...

I understand that physicist thoreau lacks a lab whore. Which is why he stole our monkey.

thoreau said...

Actually, we stole Mr. Steven Crane so we'd have a eunuch to guard the lab harem.

When we finally return him to you, you may find that a few parts are missing.

Sean Connery said...

Ah, Mammorial Day. I have honored many a bosom on that greatest of American holidays.

VikingMoose said...

bouncy bouncy?

Pro Libertate said...

It's the bounciest of American holidays, after Mammorial Day, when we honor those bosoms that have fallen [pauses for moment of silence].

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