22. Declare haggis the official food of the United States.
23. Order the immediate thawing and reviving of Walt Disney. His company needs him.
24. Invite various celebrity busybodies to receive awards, then don't show up at the ceremony. (Thanks, VM!)
25. To demonstrate my commitment to civil discourse, I will send thank you cards to foreign leaders who mention me by name, regardless of how insulting their statements may have been. And I'll send cards for any gifts they provide the U.S., such as political exiles. Per Miss Manners, I'll be sure to make specific references to whatever they've done for me--for instance, here I am thanking Hugo Chavez: "Dear Hugo
President Chavez, Thank you so much for telling the OAS that I am Satan incarnate. Few if any world leaders would take the time to say such a thing about me! It was so thoughtful to include me in your speech. Good luck with that tyrant thing, and best wishes for sustained high oil prices. Sincerely, The Libertarian President."
26. My trade policy in two words or less: Free trade.
27. Refuse to continue the embargo against Cuba and most especially refuse to enforce any restriction on where citizens may travel. I'll make all these pronouncements while drinking a mojito and munching on some arroz con pollo. I'll also make a point of noting that Castro and his oppressive regime sucks.
28. To please my core constituency of geeks and to save some money, order that all government computers be switched from Windows to Linux and from Microsoft Office to OpenOffice. No, no stinkin' Macs--get away from me, Apple cultists!
29. Make most of my speeches long and complex, with big words and bigger concepts. Just to make things more interesting, I'll spout off phrases in Greek or Latin without bothering to translate them. Ditto mathematical or scientific concepts. Want to understand me? Go get some education. No, I'm not going to fund it.
30. Bring the troops home from everywhere except maybe Afghanistan. I think both WWII and the Korean conflict just may be over now, and the Middle East can figure its own issues out without our constant intervention. We've got plenty of other places where we can buy oil, and we've no need to import any more religious craziness. Besides, we have our own beaches and falafel.