Thursday, November 1, 2007

Ethics

I'm talkin' about friendship. I'm talkin' about character. I'm talkin' about--hell, Leo, I ain't embarassed to use the word--I'm talkin' about ethics.
In light of recent developments both here at URKOBOLD™ and abroad, it is clear that we need to have a clear cut code of ethics, like all upstanding organizations do.
Some prominent examples of those upstanding, ethical organizations:
The Federation of Australian Astrologers
The North American Society of Homeopaths
Global Psychics
The Reiki Alliance
The International Chiropractors Association
International Peace Operations Association, of which Blackwater USA is a member in good standing.
The US House of Representatives

Clearly, if we are to rise into that rarefied stratosphere, we too need a Code of Ethics. In order to soar with these ethical eagles, nay, to rise above the fray of these ordinary wizards, thieves, and mercenaries, we shall institute a set of Ethical Commandments.

1. We shall only post in dead earnestness. No irony. No sly winking nods to in-jokes.

2. We shall never post in imitation of others, whether mockingly or in tribute.

3. We shall get explicit written permission for every photo, video, or any other possibly copyright protected material that we use. Regardless of the level of permission that we have obtained, any work that in any part could have been derived from any other work must be completely, properly, thoroughly, painstakingly attributed.

4. We shall pay all contributors, correspondents, stringers, and tipsters a fair wage. A living wage. Plus tips.

5. We shall not encourage confusion in semi-regular readers. Any running gag that is referred to must be completely explained every time with links and an explicit breakdown of how the joke developed. Any behind the scenes emails must be forwarded to every reader as they make their email addresses available to us.

6. We shall not sell each others' or our readers' email addresses to spammers, unless great profit is involved. This profit is to be hoarded and never to be shared. Not even with our special lady.

7. We shall not post while we should be working at our day jobs. Or paying attention to our kids. Or wives. Or doing something genuinely productive.

8. We shall not post anything that has already appeared in a forwarded email to anyone anywhere at any time already.

9. We shall not have ten Ethical Commandments.

10. Women are no more sexual objects than men are. We shall never display pictures of women that objectify them, any more than we ourselves would like to, on occasion, be objectified ourselves. To this end, we will endeavor to be objectified on occasion so we can know how it feels.

6 comments:

VikingMoose said...

fan-freakin-tastic!

now, per other correspondence, you go and GET BUSY!!! (As Syndrome would say)

Ken Shultz said...

I'd add, "No Drinking."

bakedpenguin said...

The North American Society of Homeopaths? What's that, a group of gay lunatics?

*rimshot*

I'll be here all week.

highnumber said...

Security!

VikingMoose said...

Prepares to TAZE Baked :)

(yes, with a Z)

dhex said...

i was objectified once. this guy with bad hair and three fannypacks full of rush concert boots on 90 minute cassette chased me around a parking lot; he wanted me to read some book about a guy named atkins who has a shoulder problem or something like that.

i felt so used.

also the sex was lousy.