Friday, October 26, 2007

Sulu Friday: The Top 100 Things I'd Do if I Ever Became a Libertarian President (#41 - 50)

41. Preface all of my bills and all of my public speeches with the statement, "I have a cunning plan."

42. In all of my official correspondence, refer to the U.S. as the United States of Amërica. A strategically placed umlaut will make us look tougher.

43. My inauguration will include a farcical aquatic ceremony.

44. Refuse to pay our U.N. dues until the U.N. starts being nice to us.

45. Three words about my first Supreme Court appointment: Janice Rogers Brown.

46. Kick the District of Columbia out of the United States.

47. Make it clear to the head of FEMA that his sole purpose in life is to protect America from space alien invasion.

48. Recognize Taiwan and urge China to leave Tibet. When China makes nasty noises, I'll say, "What are you going to do, stop selling stuff to us? Yeah, right. Obey, or I'll go against my libertarian principles and embargo your ass. Don't make us start buying junk from India! We'll do it!"

49. Rattle the saber at Mexico if it doesn't stop burning agave crops and threatening our God-given right to cheap tequila.

50. Find the closest thing in our vast military and intelligence arsenal to the Batmobile and use it to drive around--no convoys, no drivers. Just me and Ben.


VikingMoose said...


Nick M. said...

Numbers 45, 43, & 42 are getting a little close to the line. If i can't punish Bill O'Reilly, you can't go acting like a monarch and abandoning your principles. Don't make me use the flagrum.

Pro Libertate said...

Okay, 45 was out of line, but the other two fall within my foreign policy powers. It's just talk--I'm not actually going to do anything.

Anyway, this is getting REALLY hard. Only forty more to go, dear Jesus.

bakedpenguin said...

Replace the prayer that begins each session of Congress with the fish slapping dance?

VikingMoose said...

mmm. fish slapping dance. (a classic!)

the Dirty Vicar is another classic!

ac said...

Revive the festival of Saturnalia?

Pro Libertate said...


Oh, yeah, good one.