Artist's Rendering of Salma Hayek (or functional equivalent*) taking a walk during her exile on the Moon.
Yesterday, Google announced that it would award $30 million to the first private entity to successfully send an unmanned lander to the Moon, drive it around a bit, and transmit back some pictures of the lunar surface--The Google Lunar X-Prize. How quaint. The Urkobold laughs at such small ambitions! Instead, the Urkobold is pleased to announce:
The Urkobold™ Lunar Sex Prize
The Urkobold's plan is simple. With the help of NASA, the Urkobold will launch Salma Hayek (or her functional equivalent*)--along with a self-contained moonbase and supplies sufficient to keep her alive for two years--to the Moon.
The prize is even simpler. The first private individual who can successfully get to the Moon (in person and without any government assistance), retrieve Miss Hayek (or functional equivalent*), and return her safely to Earth will be permitted to have sexual relations with Miss Hayek (or functional equivalent*). No extraneous requirements like taking pictures or driving around will be necessary to win, although Mr. Viking Moose would like some photos, if it's not too much trouble. Mr. Pro Libertate is above such things, being the wholly owned subsidiary of Mrs. Libertate.
The Urkobold is confident that this plan will result in a virtual panoply of cheap-access-to-orbit options, ranging from a space elevator to anti-gravity. Indeed, as the prize is later expanded to outer solar system and extra-solar missions, mankind should be flitting about at faster-than-light speeds within the decade. Even before this official announcement, sex-starved geeks around the world have been quivering with barely suppressed glee.
***BREAKING NEWS***: George Takei, famed actor and voice-over artist extraordinaire, has graciously agreed to accompany Miss Hayek (or functional equivalent*) to the Moon! Given his sexual orientation, this news is welcome, as Miss Hayek (or functional equivalent*) could use some company and a guy with spaceship-driving experience. In addition, the undying love that sex-starved rocket-scientist geeks have for Star Trek's "Mr. Sulu" should increase the already insane heights to which the Lunar Sex Prize will drive mankind.