"Mistakes have been made," admitted the saddened Troll amongst Trolls, although he was quick to add, "not by the Urkobold." Chicago Bears Linebacker Lance Briggs wrecked his $400,000 Lamborghini early Monday morning on the Edens Expressway.
The Urkobold reiterated what went wrong:
"One, they should have closed the expressway for us. Two, they should not have put that overpass there. Devon Avenue is important only to the people who travel it, not to Mr Briggs or myself. Three, the car should not have been designed and built in such a manner that a driver trained in the Urkoboldian manner could have crashed it. This is an obvious design flaw, and those untrustworthy Italian "businessmen" who built it will be hearing from my shyster, I mean attorney. Four, when Mr Briggs called to report the car stolen, it should have been understood that he meant that circumstances conspired to take away the right of Mr Briggs to drive whatever overpowered performance automobile he desired on any road in any fashion. I feel this may be a civil rights case. Five, [Here the Urkobold paused and muttered to himself, "I think I had too much coffee this morning."] Mr Briggs was under the not unreasonable impression that a $400,000 vehicle would have the capacity to report the accident to the police and call for its own tow truck. I mean, come on! The airbags didn't even deploy. Sheesh. Mr Briggs now regrets not buying the Hyundai Tiburon he had also been eying."
The Urkobold School of High Performance Vehicle Maneuvers & Vroom Vroom Vroom VRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMM™ is closing until an evaluation of every roadway and vehicle on the roadways can be completed. Systems for alerting the world's populace to the presence of Urkoboldian drivers are also being considered.