Wednesday, June 6, 2007

highnumber Suicide Watch

For those that doubt that ethanol is the greatest evil foisted on mankind by Big Corn, doubt no more. According to Reuters, "Mexican farmers are setting ablaze fields of blue agave, the cactus-like plant used to make the fiery spirit tequila, and resowing the land with corn as soaring U.S. ethanol demand pushes up prices." This will lead to worldwide tequila shortages and dramatic price increases in tequila and other agave products.

Stop the agave atrocities! Save highnumber! Oh, the imbiberty!

21 comments:

VikingMoose said...

Stay Strong, High#!!!!!

Pro Libertate said...

Maybe Urkobold should start asking people to send us any and all unopened bottles of tequila so that we can get through these trying times. We'll take Cuervo, but what we really need are some nice, high-end añejos.

highnumber said...

i just dont know what to do anymore it hardly seems worth living why oh why oh why oh why oh why doesnt anyone care anymore why why why why why why bn hhhjunbymhjunkihh bnmhju bnmhjuyunhyhuybtnhhiibbyhyhbbhbhhj

Pro Libertate said...

Hang on, baby, hang on. We're shipping you some mezcal to tide you over. Eat the worm and the scorpion!

VikingMoose said...

hier is an evil monkey drinking some precious stash of tequila...

We have, however, sent PIRATE MONKEY (hier) to deal with this scamp.

highnumber said...

By the way, I like the idea of a tequila drive. Catchy name? Operation: Tequila Freedom? Save Our Tequila Shooters (S.O.T.S.)?

Would it be legal?

Pro Libertate said...

If people just happen to want to gift you their tequila, why, I don't see why that would be a problem. Speaking as Lay Person Pro, of course. I wonder if Urkobold is eligible for 501(c)(3) status? As a nonprofit organization furthering the cause of trolldom in the United States? If so, donations could be tax deductible.

We should acquire an underground lair for storing tequila during the Tequila Depression.

We'll get you through this, highnumber!

Pro Libertate said...

All,

We should append to all of our postings and commentary at other sites the phrase, "Save highnumber", linking to this posting.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a pretext for invading Mexico.

highnumber said...

well, anonymous, I guess that could be S.O.T.S. first adventure, codenamed Operation: Agave Freedom. Everything is falling into place.

Do invading hordes get to claim non-profit status, at least until they are victorious?

Pro Libertate said...

And the invasion would solve the immigration problem. Don't come to the U.S., because the U.S. is coming to you! The 2007 Agave Liberation Tour.

I don't believe that hiring mercenaries affects our tax status. Consult your tax adviser. Not valid in all states.

Anonymous said...

Isn't Mexico home to the notorious Al Agave?

VikingMoose said...

... and the notorious Osama Mañana.

Nick M. said...

After my recent experience with Cuervo Black, all I can say is Good Riddance.

highnumber said...

nick, nick, nick,

Where to start?
Take it as a rule of thumb: do not buy anything Cuervo. (There are exceptions. Cuervo does have some premium product. As a novice, however, you cannot be trusted to identify those, so don't try)
Second, buy only tequilas that are identified as Silver/blanca/plata, reposado, or añejo.
Gold is the crappiest tequila with food coloring and sugar added. Buy cheap silver tequila instead.
Black? WTF is black tequila? Stay away from that crap.

Pro Libertate said...

What torques me is that the vital agave is being wasted making "black" tequilas. When the U.S. occupies Mexico, that will surely end.

Karen said...

Hang in there highnumber. Not only will our brave soldiers soon be occupying vast stretches of agave crops, but in the meantime you have an excellent excuse to drink whiskey and rum.

Pro Libertate said...

I'm thinking that we should invent a new drink, the Agave Libre. Preferably with red, white, and blue colors. Maybe pomegranate juice for the red and blue curacao for the blue?

Nick M. said...

High#,

Cuervo Black is some new fangled oak barrel aged tequila. It kind of tastes like whisky. Which is the problem. I can drink whisky like it's water. This whisky flavored tequila is still tequila though, with the same effects when drank in large quantities.

highnumber said...

nick,

Just follow my advice on Cuervo products and try a reposado next time. Any reposado or añejo is aged in an oak barrel anyway. I don't know what Cuervo's trying to pull.

highnumber said...

I looked up Cuervo Black. They use charred oak barrels. I have had smoky mezcals, but never a smoky tequila. The mezcals were premium products, much better than any Cuervo you can find at the supermarket.