Wednesday, June 13, 2007

From the Archive: Peter's Evil Overlord List

Urkobold acknowledges no man, but, if He were to do so, He would slightly notice the contributions of one Peter to Evil Overlording scholarship. If you haven't read The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became an Evil Overlord, you should. Urkobold supports all such efforts and dreams of a world where everyone is an evil overlord.

Here are some of the Urkobold's favorites:
  • I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
  • When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
  • One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
  • My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
  • Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
  • I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

2 comments:

VikingMoose said...

A great one to remember.

Thank you ProGLib for reminding us. Thank you, Peter for the list.

(p.s., the lake is beautiful today)

Karen said...

I like the ventilation ducts, and always having anything on a digital countdown set to go off at any number above zero. Also the thing about the Evil Overlord wearing bright, cheery colors.